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Unlikely alias
This is for a topical battle, i didnt think it was very good but what the hell.
Billy was a peaceful man everything he did seemed to be right, He Claimed to love all his neigbours and never to have gotten into a fight, He was a perfectionous at school, one of the best at sport, He and his Wife had been going out for 20 yrs and had never really fought, His family had been the opposite so he tried to be the best he could, He had 3 children and gave them the best love he knew he should, So one day when his head erupted you see he was kinda worried, He recorded the voices in his diary, and he fought to ignore them, Until he didnt know whose voices were who and sought to record them, Dear diary, i long to kill that bitch, and kill my children with pleasure, He began plotting all of there death and booked out a desperate measure, He acted normally to his wife, kept his mind sharper than a knife, He said he was taking them for a drive, but he "forgot" something, Loked the car door and pretended that he dropped something, but the car was started and the muffler was plugged in, So when they all passed out he wore a manic grin, He was found out eventually and sent to jail for homicide, He tried to deny it, and even tried to commit suicide, You see even the most normal of people can become crazed, So when the Police found this out they were dazed, They had known billy. they had grown up in the same year, And he always said that "to become to normal was his worse fear" |
very nice...I really liked this..your concept was good(duh~this was a topical..^^)your cheme was good..flow nice...most importanly story was pretty well told..you have a good shot winning your battle(all depends on who you're battling..LOL)..peace...~
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hey man^^^^^thanks for that...Im battling deacon so its gunna be hard to beat him, ill look for some peices done by you and reply.....peice
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Liked this alot...
Had a nice twist to it... Nice wordplay... Good topic {obviously}... But yea... This was pretty cool... Not much vocabulary... But you made up for that with the sheer stroy tellin power of the verse... To improve... Erm... Use more vocabulary... Erm... Dont bold it... That really is all a can think of... Keep the standard up... Hit up 'Front Lines Vs Open Mic'... Please... Thanks... Pz... |
k^^^i dont really concentrate on vocab, i just use what flows naturally
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I liked this piece. I liked the simplicity and story telling method you used. Reminds me of a ferry tail. The story was nice. This was an easy, and enjoyable read. I agree with free about the bolds though. Besides that, it was nice. Keep up the good work.
Please drop feed in the link in my sig that sayes euphoria's kiss. |
k thats what i aimed at
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you must be outa of ya fuckin mind to think this shit wasn't good man this was sick i like that whole psycho shit but this didn't seem like a rhyme more of a poem but anyways this was hot doin thing gun
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thanks man^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
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i agree this was pretty good, you came at the topic nicely..... not too played like it could have been... and it seemed pretty smooth, nuthin too complex about it, but didnt seem to take away..... all in all pretty good.....easy to follow.....
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mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm thanks.gotten a few replies
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commmmmmmmmmmon upppin
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ups
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why do theses pieces get so slept on???
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You are all i hate RB, No other sights with 20 000 members do peices get so slept on
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