-= First Verse Of My Sick Song =-
 

Yo, just thought of these lyrics that i could put into a song. Tell me what ya think plz - Thanx Peepz

There were facts about my sister that i tried to ignore,
About her giving head and naming herself a whore,
Where the facts true?, i wasn't really sure,
Until i sneaked in her room and saw my friends eating her pussy raw,
I search guys pockets and if theres lubricant or vaseline,
I reach for my gun and let bullets fill him up like gasoline,
Im a mass machine, rapping a new way,
Representing all the Scarred Kids, and nerds in the UK,
Im not a nerd my self, but i have to represent them,
Because i feel sorry for the days when i used to torment them,
I took there homework and swapped it with mine,
Take there lunch money, but tell there mum that they were fine,
I take ecstacy pills, and make my dreams real,
Jump off high hills and make time stand still,
Most nights i get drunk until i start feeling ill,
Then i balance it out with weed until im ready to kill.


GET BACK TO ME.THANX.
PE@CE

ok you had 2 totaly different topics the first topic is somethin i myself wouldn't spit on i mean it's cool you got the imagery there but you really didn't finish on that part of the song you ended it by goin on to the next subject of you pickin on nerds oh shit my fault there's 3 different subjects which the last was your drug use, you might wanna make those 3 subjects into 3 different verses and to help the rhyme scheme make the vocab a little more complex as of the bars strengthen those and do this piece again
holla

Aight thanx for replyin

Pe@ce

Lots of your lines were played, some of the vocab was simple, like oddly said you aint got a real topic, when you write an open mic try to stay topical and say what you gotta say, the flow was kinda choppy, other than that it was ok do some re-writin on it you know just a little work here n there 6/10

Aight man

I liked it .. nice flow .. well written .. thought out .. some good points in there .. got your view across nicely .. transition was cool .. ended a little abruptly but ehhh .. you could of made it longer and expanded on it.

Decent piece. :)

Thanx man

decent peice.......well writtin...... 2 different topic were touched on....but the transition ... (scarred kids ...blahblah) was good.....seemed real enough....truth behind this.....consistency and intrigue is good here.....nice work keep at it.......peep this piece i jusy key'd not tooo long
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...507#post1164507