What would you do?
There were cops banging on the door
The person you hated was on the floor You had a gun and it was clicked The person flinched What would you do? What would you do? Don’t you remember man? This guy sent you down the can For something you didn’t do He’s trying to play you like a fool Just shoot his damn head off Just pretend the noise is a loud cough Don’t leave any evidence though Or you will spend another 10 years, oh no Look man, there’s a window Use it man escape without any trace That guy there, is a big disgrace Look man, lets think here If you go to jail again no one will care You will lose the trust of your family and friends You will be on a dead end You will have nowhere to go All this because you want to shoot your foe? Just reconsider man Just jump out the window and run man Forget that guy If he got arrested he will just lie There isn’t no way your going to survive Just run away now before the cops arrive They are close to opening the door Get out now! Before it’s too late Or this will be the end of your fate. There were cops banging on the door The person you hated was on the floor You had a gun and it was clicked The person flinched What would you do? What would you do? The cops have surrounded the window It’s too late to go now Remember how you went down for 10 long years? You had to confront all your fears All those nights on your own All those tears you have shown All those times you nearly broke down All those people being released into town With you just sitting there All those people treating you like you wasn’t here You can’t even see you own son Because this bastard said you had a gun Look at the S.O.B cry Just shoot him! You ask why? He’s made your life a living hell Now just send the bastard to hell One more knock on the door and the cops are in Don’t worry man, its not a sin JUST SHOOT HIM! NOW! BANG! The cops got in the door They saw a dead body on the floor They had arrested you Nobody had knew What would you have done? What would you have done? |
Any Responses?
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dat was deep kid dat was hott
___________________________ :gfy: dont fuk wit me hahaha :laugh2: |
Thanks for that
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Can anyone else Reply? thanks
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it was an open poem... telling exactly what you wanted to say... next time try to
use a larger vocabulary, incorperate so words you wouldnt normally think to use also add some metaphors... they add imagery to the mind and really get the reader into what you wrote... it was a str8 piece tho.. keep writing |
at first when i started reading this the structure and rhyme scheme threw me off, it was forced and choppy, but you sorta made up for that with the story, kept it interesting, and used pretty good detail, can always add more thou. your thoughts read well, didnt make it so it jumped all around, it was understand able, and was interesting. thought the opener could have been more strong. vocab can be improved. just work on the rhyme scheme, and the structure, and you will have drop dead pieces.
~Tera~ DONT HATE |
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