Bored
 

this was mostly a keystyle

immortal technique remix :thumbup:

ive been writting for years, but ive been thinking for all of my life//
im scandalis like american soliders comin home, with iraqii knifes ///
ive known some sick lyricits, thats had problems with mics//
stardum and ice, gots MC's lit up, like harlem in lights///
i dont undertand why, some critics dont like me///
like a 76 year old man at a strip club, thats asked for ID//
it might be, that i come off too hard for people not used to reason///
im speakin in tongues that was established from demons//
if you had 3 sane phyciatris your couldnt measure this meanin//
drying up rappers like fish, in desertis regions///
im a plague that spread all over the place//
hard to get rid of, like acne on a teenage that covers his face///
my lips been in more clits then jenna jamesons did///
im sick like a husband that murdered his wife and his kids//
spending his life in a bid, jail isnt for me///
if i get caught, its death n glory....foretold in old stories///
i use text to express all of my feelins///
so its passed to generations, from you to your childern///
im not telling people how to live or think about topics///
i just make people aware of lies, conspiracy's and atomic rockets//
like the prophet muhhamad, im telling the truth like a politcal comic///
not jew or islamic, in the new, cosimc, version of the blue bahumet///
the news is on it, theyre on anything that viewers would watch///
like a cops beating a minority unconcious,but still wont stop///
so imma give them a story,that will leave them in shock///
people will start crying and fighting, like its the re-birth of Pac///
getting rowdy, girls getting naughty, i "kick" like karate///
so if you fought me in a rain cloud, your still couldnt "drop" me//
kats try and mock me, say that im cocky//
they think that i copy, until they find out that Immortal Technique taught me

thanks for the feedback, ASSHOLES

thougth you had some ok wordplay... an some good vocab, but the flow was quite choppy, some of the transitions could have been smoother, also i would have broke it up, so its not so much of a read.... but not bad.... keep working on it......

ok wordplay...I agree totally with Dev The Corner Shop Dude with this...lol..
aiight stuff, but choppy and, aiight effort seen as so Ur new to this site

Flow was off at the top but got pretty strong toward the bottom half. Lots of good similes. Vocab was adequate. Pretty nice piece overall. 6.75 Hit my "Broken Metamorphosis" if you can.

thanks.....................ASSHOLES


rofl lmao lol :laugh2:

it was better than me so I can't hate

true