'The Forgotten"
 

Just a song I'm workin' on, only got two verses, I'm workin on the third. Please let me know what y'all think.

Verse 1

What the f*ck I gotta do to show you I'm hurtin'
I'm flirtin' with the Grim Reaper
Weed don't work, needles inserted in my skin deeper
Syringe fever got me sweatin' like a gym teacher
You know my type, heavy eyes with the slim features
Lucifer's seed set to breed with sin's creatures
The rain teaches us to listen when the wind preaches
These Inn keeper's sellin' pity for a dollar a glass
I'm sittin' suckin' on a bottle trina swallow my past
Pacifier to puberty, adolescence to eulogy
People stressin' need a lesson in unity
Lady Luck don't f*uck, but she's sittin' with her legs spread
Frontpage headlines, written on my bed spread
Droppin' dimes at my toes, while you cover your Visa
Throwin' me change thinkin' you Mother Theresa
Either you people are evil, or you people are blind
Hopin' God wrote this movie with a sequel in mind....I'm on the brink!



Verse 2

Knee high boots, mini skirts and lipstick
Rich chick, went from caviar to fish sticks
Nibblin' tid bits, ta ticklin' limp d*cks
Pimps ta split lips, and lit spliffs ta quick fix
Sniffin' bouquets of poppies nose redder than Rudolph
Liftin' my skirt's harder than gettin' ya suit off
Two letters after "G" spell a word meanin' "Hello"
Throw in a "V' and watch my knees turn to gelo
Nobody cares I'm like a scream in the ghetto
Got more black & white lovers than a scene from "Othello"
I'm dreamin' of meadows, but since I slept with the Devil
I had to trade my glass slippers for a set of stelleto's
People pay me for pleasure plenty of penises plottin
I'm poppin pregnancy pills so my fetus is rotten
I'm either flat on my back, on my knees or I'm squattin'
Overdosed on reality now my dreams are forgotten....I'm on the brink!

Nice drop man, got nice multis and a good structer... flows well, u stayed on topic i think, was more attracted to the flow :P
Nice :thumbup: keep it up

Thanks
 

THANKS FOR THE FEEDABCK, APPRECIATE IT

Can I get some replies, good, bad anything???

This was decent...your stucture was good...your flow okay..wordplay was too basic...your scheme seemed alright too...on your next one switch it up a bit..I'll be on the lookout..peace..