The Journal Of A Jew(During Holacaust PT 1)
 

Day 1:
Came home from school, and a gift lay on the table
there was a note: "dont open til' I come home"
But I was not able, to withstand the time
first personal item of mine, maybe this was a sign
I've always wanted to be a journalist, or writer
but first-I-must-open-this, and ponder'd with desire
Finally he came, now I knew with thought's of fire
i'd have thoughts.. but not the same
... and so I write...

Day 2:
Today was great, even tho school I hate
was going to the cinema, but my friend couldn't wait
So I was late.. and became hungry
...I was wondering, wat was for dinner...
mother surprised me with my favorite plate.
So I ate & ate, till I was satisfied
pen & hand-by-side, I sit here and write
til' there is no more light...
... and so I write...

Day 3:
Today was horrible, the girl I love hates me
and to worsen-it-tho, father was fired
Mother has no time.. she's sick and tired
it's as if my jaw is wired, nobody can hear-me
So I sit and jot down my thoughts..
Dear-me,
I dont want to goto school tomorrow
so I can sit and stare in sorrow..
I tire' of this desire to be near her..
a burden is lifted, whenever I see-her..
I couldnt tell her I love her, to big of a height
... and so I write...

unique style i'd say. you had your strong points in there. i had sum difficulty
in finding the rhymes. the flow was effect negatively by that. but it was still
a great read. it brought in my attention. i actually read the whole thing which is
sumthing. lol. dope piece. propz. the topic was commendable. keep at it.

hit this up plz:
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=113109

pz

If that's your style go with but in text the rhymes don't come thru very well. I'd have to hear the way you say it before I could say more but flow seems off based on just what I can see. I liked the conversational tone of it. All the thoughts were connected. Anyway if you have an explanation for the structure or a link to some audio drop it. Hit my "Broken Metamorphosis" if you get a chance.

ight up