YUNG BLAQ(NEW ARTIST) PEEP THIS!!!Kid is Hot
 

You niggaz pussy,straight out the womb niggaz, 10 inch blade, leave u cry'n for ya tomb nigga,i pull triggaz, take life and hand it out, teletubie folk tricks get punched in the mouf, i aint a surgeon but hoes get expanded wit the rod, legs wide open drippin u can call me heart throb, i rob and steel ,cake niggaz get ta feel the real, cuz when i spit even the def man can hear and fear, smurk on my face,clothes straight smeelin like dank,im the one that put ill in kill and made u think, made u blink, in a flash you aint feelin sweat, should've played like the french in war and yelled (retreat!), i aint bleek, but u know how we do it round here, face pushed in lookin the seat of a chair, me losen rare, i swear i hold my own , take advantage of situations like, home-a-lone, hold the phone ,questioning lifes main obstacles, if i die am i goin ta hell just for poppin u?, i drop a few,my lyrics keep me alive, and thru the hearts of thug niggaz my soul moves in stride,move or u die, think fast homie thats a easy fix,easy tricks get five bullets when the hammer spits, hammer hits, on the comp one by one until the day makaveli revives i bust my gun

Well...

I owed you cuz you read mine...

This had a very nice flow...
(despite the fucked paragraph structure, ever heard of lines and bars?)

Some nice blends as well...
(flowing into different concepts)

But aside from that, it was very basic.

No wordplay, just straight ahead self prop.

Very eh, on the topic and execution.

Dedicate your efforts towards a real theme or mindframe.

Forget about ya self.

Speak on other shit, then we can really rate ya work, man.

Cuz this don't cut it as far as content.

Peace

i agree your flow was on point, but you lacked in the topic, it sall been said before, try and be original with it.... elaborate on your content, make it more expressive... oh and put it in bars, its much easier to read that way....