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-   -   Feedback plz (http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=113815)

X-RAYze 02-12-04 10:14 AM

Feedback plz
 
This isnt about any1 jus a freestyle that came out!


I cant seem to remember the past,, the future of life!!
Your real gender is unknown surrender… husband or wife??
I sold my heart to a tramp cause am too money tyte
I got Art that’s stamped on walls my future is bright
Don’t make a start on life unless you kno that its right
I see you get kinda flustered seein names that get mentioned
I no you a minder kid but why are ya sectioned
the mentally ill deal attention to detail,, nobody cares maybe your retail
Maybe its ya bitch who tried to dress in detail
This whale cunt fool me I wudnt shag it in jail….I failed to get bail plz help me the whale!! Arrrrrgghh!!!!
I had ya dreamin of victory sick to the site of the jury
its time to be fictionary open ya dictionary,,every1s fucked to the point of mystery

Yeh so that’s it feedback plz

I seem to be struggling with this site…alot more members and higher standards!

Peace out!

Menik 02-12-04 04:00 PM

This was ok....structure could be touched up a bit i think.....the content needs a little work.....you had some ok vocab, could be up'd a bit though.....try adding some multies to make it more complex....keep elevating and you will get to where you want to be man...and keep at it.


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