Tell me whats up
 

tell me whats up with muh shit

for years i been spittin cant find my flow\
it must be blendin in deep down below\
its like tryin to touch my knee cap with my big toe\
or placin my nose on da tip of my elbow\
dont understand why i cant spit what i think\
same as why i dont understand y nuccaz roc pink\
im confused by why these nuccaz swear they hard\
think they can buy "gangsta" like come in a jar\
but i have no room to talk\
i was like that myself\
but now im calmed down\
i can be myself\
temper still pops off when nuccaz talkin trash\
but whats da results them layin flat on they ass\
can be a pain in da ass.....but not like cass\
sometimes i can be off......but not when i blast\ :shoot:
i kno u cant cheat in life cant shortin da path\
and when u spot me on da field i'll be breakin they pads\
after u get done spitin this my rap\
give me some tips so i can write them down in my pad\

seriously though tell me what im missin

ummm.......u were missing imagery.......also it all didnt flow together in the beginning your talking about your big toe, and then ur talikin about come in a jar, and at the end u askin for help?????? very confusing.............i'd say to use bigger vocabulary and make ur lines connect.......

Well your missing kinda everything... I generally judge text on rhymes, vocab, flow and creativity.

Rhymes weren't all that great... you had no internals or multies, which kinda lessened the impact. You need to try and see if you can keep the meaning of a bar while making it multie rhyme. I can explain multies to you if you wish.

Vocab = not good. Temper was the most advanced word you used... you need to try to find synonyms for words, so that your rhyme is more interesting to read.

Flow wasn't bad... fell off during the middle where the lines were too short, but generally it was ok. Could've been improved in a few places, like from the middle onwards.

Creativity was... ok. As a whole concept, asking for help is rarely done in hip-hop writing, so I guess thats a start. But line by line, most of your stuff didn't have any real meaning or content that could hold my interest... the only thing I really like was the "touching my elbow with my nose" thing...

All in all, you should try to elevate. Read more, and practice more. Don't worry about this, you'll get better with practice and time. PM me if you would like any additional help, and keep writing... peace.

Want my honest opinion?


Kill yourself - this sucked so much it's unbelievable.


:laugh: