new to the bored
 

yo new to the bored i check a few battels god shit out there.iam still workin on my shit.~1~




here to rip it here to tip it so dont step up to it or get laid back//tried not to angery but just turned in to me getin pissed and every one nows your goin to get fuck cuz there all in the back goin ooohhh shit//your lookin around i hit ya in the neck your on the ground spitin up shit//should of thought be for you went up against this//your swingin but your missin it now our yellin and takein a fit i just put u on your ass like a bitch//fuck this shit iam goin to cack it back and clap your pussy ass crew there fags takein it up the ass like a two man canue acktin like u got the flu u just dissappered after i shoot u well your boby fly off the cliff and i guess u never came back o well iam doen with u// this sucks in a hurry lol :laugh: :gfy:

im glad u know this sucks, so i wont have to tell u that......

structure is horrible.......try writin the lyrics down the page instead of across......

ur rhyme scheme was pretty wack as well.........u ended ur first line wit back, and ur second wit shit..........i see no rhyme there.........then u ended the second to last line wit bitch, then ur last line wit u.......again, must i point out that they dont rhyme at all......

ur flow sucked as well.......try and make all ur lines around the same length, and eventually try and get the syllables almost the same in all of your lines.........

ur vocab was pretty basic........try and elevate that.......

and pick a topic worth writing about........this was just a bunch of random shit put together........you actually gotta think about somethin and put thought into it.....

overall this was a pretty bad drop......you need to put more time and thought into your next one........

lmao

yea dude you need to hit enter on those lines...

it's just hard to read as a big fat block of words...

ummm just try to think of something to say and don't try to end up on "ack" or "it" then maybe you'll wind up on rabbit and you'll have to rhyme with habit... shit all im saying is if you don't expand your rhyming vocab you'll forever by flowin bout tits and clits...

{Peace}

so listen to him and dont do that k :nono:

that yall i no the shit i did wrong and iam not one for spelling as u can see and i wasint really in a rhyme mood but ill try hared the next time i spit my rhyme go on my mood and what iam feelin at the time.

Good try..I'm not going to break down your shit and tell you what's wrong(every thing was wrong with this...)Better luck next time..^^

Ayo, It's weak...I aint gonna pretend that its good...you got some alright lyrics, you need to improve them...try workin' with some multi's and wordplay but the biggest problem you have is structure...you need to write them in lines, not in one big block....peace...people i need feedback on 'The Critic'...Plz...