RapVerse.com Community

RapVerse.com Community (http://community.rapverse.com/index.php)
-   Textual Releases (http://community.rapverse.com/forumdisplay.php?f=5)
-   -   Creezzzzzzzie (http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=114650)

DQ 02-16-04 11:35 AM

Creezzzzzzzie
 
'Creezzzzzzzzie'

(Hot,tall,totally creezie,sweet like candy, rich_lil_gangsta)

When i first saw u, didn't know what to think.
I thought you were a big showoff, always acting tough against your friends.
But i noticed you're sweeter than i imagined,you're all right!
The only problem is that it ain't gonna happen between us coz...

Ya don't know me, you only hear them talk bad 'bout me, they're
calling me a slut and they're telling u not to believe me. But
just look in my eyes, would never lie to u, you're always on
my mind, i'm freakin' out when i'm not close to u!

Or u sure it ain't gonna happen? Coz ya don't know what you're missin',
i would give u everything, my soul, my mind, my heart... You're my
extasy, you make me high, higher than the best stuff u can buy!

I know that we haven't really talked yet but things can change, i
wanna do anything just to make u see that we belong together!
I love the way you goof around, always hangin' with your friends.
I'm creezie 'bout the way you shoot some pool, you're so hot...

Everytime u walk by, my friends need to bring me back down to
earth coz you're not mine.Doesn't matter how much i like u, if
u don't want me, there's nothing i can do about it...
Tried to wear fancy clothes, dress up, call u, but that didn't help a bit.
But i keep on tryin coz i see a little spark in your eyes when u
look @ me, so maybe it's not over yet...

U know what,if u really feel somethin' for me,it won't bother u
what your friends or other peepz say. So what's it gonna be?
Do u want me or do i have to find another man? I'm goin' creezie!



*Just started with writing some stuff so don't shoot me, got plenty of things i need to learn but i'm doin' everyhing i can so what'd u think?

LM 02-16-04 12:29 PM

Erm I wont shoot ya but....

This was poor

Your structure seriously needs sortin out, as does your rhymin, imagination and originality....basically everythin.

You need a lot of practice to elevate but the more you practice the better you'll get.

Drop a comment on mine...link is in my sig

DQ 02-16-04 03:08 PM

Thanks, yeah i know, this wasn't a very serious one, my first i've writtin actually. I'll practice, btw, if you got some good advice, it's more than welcome ;)...

Penskills 02-16-04 03:34 PM

I'm not really into stuff like this...^^
^Like LM said you do need a bit of work...but we all do..so...good luck on your next piece...~Click~Click~my sig~~~...Broken Dreams..

DQ 02-16-04 03:41 PM

Thanks, btw, your Broken Dreams are superb! I'm into some deeper stuff right now (this first text was written a few months ago, got more serious issues to write about right now, i'm working hard :) )...didn't really ay attention to my rhymin acutally (oops :) ), got better lyrics (more serious) but they're in Dutch so y'all won't understand them :) too bad actually, but i'll try to translate them...


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 03:54 AM.