Corrupted Visions: The Shy Kid
 

I've Seemed To Be In A Block Lately, So Bear With Me Here.


You often find yourself just alone with no one to go to…
Cause you’re the shy kid in school and no one knows you…
Wonder aimlessly by yourself cause you’re not well known…
Not popular or the prom king sitting on his swell throne…
And everyone judges you because you don’t talk much at all…
They take advantage of you and you answer everyone that calls…
So you don’t get hit, you act like the pain doesn’t bother you…
But it hurts, you think to yourself what would your father do?..
But you don’t know cause you arent close to your family…
When you come home you act like everythings ok but can it be-…
That they made you not care, all the pain that they caused you…
But why judge you when everyone else has their flaws too!?…
And you cant help it that your not well fit like everyone else…
It feels like with all the hitting they will never be done, help…
Every day you get hit with a fist in your chest or your arm…
Or on your back, all that they’re doing is causing more harm…
They are fucking you up worse everyday, no one seems to care…
And every night you go to sleep all of your dreams are bare…
Cause they took your hope, this shit effects you day and night…
Making you want to fucking stray from life not stay and fight…
Cause they make you weak and that’s what you believe too…
And no fucking body will fucking come to help to relieve you…
From all of this pain and everyday you wake, you get dressed…
And look at yourself in the mirror, you seem a little bit stresed…
Knowing what this fucking new day brings, more hurt and pain…
You go to class and sit down doing all your work in shame…
Knowing that you deserve so much better than what you get…
No one gives two shits, But you barely manage to get threw it…
Walking down the halls looking at everyone and seeing their face…
Closeing your eyes as you wish you could just be in their place…
You’d do just about anything to get a new life or start over…
Cause you wish you had someone to love cause your hearts sober…
Just someone to help ease the pain you have or make it go away…
But tears stream down your face cause you don’t know a way-…
To make that happen, so your just entrapped in..your little life…
Facing each day alone as it gets worse with more of a strife…

On The Real My Nig...
That Shit Was Deep..
Writters Block My Ass

^^nice reply...lol..... credz, i thought this was pretty good, the content was the best bit bout it, liked what you were saying, tho its not me..lol.... i think it would have been better with a more complex scheme, cos it was quite basic, and the transition between rhymes was a bit dodgy in places, but all in all decent drop here..... nice to see you change ya topic from love..lol.....lataz

Yeah Thanks Just Trying To Get Out Of This Block, Upping :)

good peice man...agree wit dev on most aspects of your writing in this peice. Your vocab could have used help but all in all decent drop...keep writing and sooner or later ull be out of writers block
respond to my peice if ya could
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=114704

It was a cool piece, the vocabulary wasn’t there.
Anyways the story reminded me of my past bully in
Junior high school I wanted to slap the taste out of his
Ugly mouth. So you brought back imagery from the past.
So you succeeded and doing a painted picture story line
Nicely done. Your structure was just in a essay form
Which I usually do so I can’t complain elevate on the vocabulary
Fam it would had made this piece Great. However overall nice
Constructed piece.


Peace….if you can I want some critique on my peace called
H.I.V Positive or Negative..

This was a good piece, reminded me of a few people I knew, they would tell me shit, and it would bother me and shit, but they got through it and are strong now. Bullying is a piece of shit in high school, everyone goes through it and you just come out stronger and your words conveyed this meaning very well. Even though I don't like how you used the word fuck quite a bit that could of been worded better. But it just shows your emotion put into the piece. The flow was off and on a bit, and the vocab was pretty good. Overall a pretty good piece.

Creative piece. But on a good level to most people. Because a lot of people may feel this way, you wrote well on this topic. For writters block you really excelled still. I enjoyed the picture of emotion the most, very well done. Keep it up. That was a good read.

If you got time, can you return the faver.

I read this and realised that you don't just post crap to have your name on the net...you seem to care about your work and it shows because it is expressive...you gonna go far if you keep taking this stuff seriously

This was okay :)

it was a pretty good piece with negatives and positives. The story kinda started of the same as it finished with it no real end or nothing if you kno what i mean.. the structure was good and you did get an image in my head... Not much complex vocab which suited the piece well. I enjoyed it... but some of your other work was better... still props...

plz return a fev
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=115041