feedback please
 

wah blow

i wrote dis jus now and i think it needs improving but i dont know what to do.......maybe something to help the flow of it ...and the context....anywayz here it is....

When start a sentence make ya sparkle blemish
Ya mastered Offensive wit no “comeback” like a man wit no arms in tennis
start repenting and release a dark menace
And I'm a judge rap is your ass give you a hard sentences
You need at least twelve jewels to rap flows
push off ya platue….. male groupie fass~yo
i more hard dan you bastard allstars
rhyme tigter dan fat people in small cars
masicar..fuck the why, whats, or whos ares
give u a new scar i shoot bars ,blud u a fruit bar
nah ya rhyme aint acute to these upscale perplex
try change the subject ,when ya style aint developing like a lil gals breast
Mic skills type grills like I'm Michael Jill
Remarkably ill n embarking my skill
Starting to kill like Jason’s son who inherited a mask in his will
Parking on hills u best be garding ya grill
cus u emcees don’t know “jack” like he was parting “Jill”
Slide of kid , an let a grown man handle this
LIKE SINGLE PARENT MOTHERS YA KNOW WHO DADDY IS
no comparisin i cant be compared to others
physically impaired from consumptions of bairs for supper
disses get whiss-pairds and mutter, be dat dareless bugger dat jus puts fear in other
careless mugger man it wudnt surprise me if ya mums ya fathers brother
Beat u to death ya mixtape, but say to the police dat i chased you off a sky scrapper
Find 5 blades quick, 9 wide razors, to ripp ya face wit
My rhyme DOPNESS IS OFF THE TRACK LIKE DWANE CHAMBERS
Remain humble cus i know enough
plus on road its tough, r.a the crew that rolls wit us
so no gays challenge me...i stay slaying des beats
cut up emcee like a postman’s, wage ..salaries
I playing 4 keeps ,you bitch ya "gene type" is double xx, ra got my back like syimees
and even if you are a bloke i'll beat u untill ya "chromosomes" are Y.me!
its blatant dat i'll be raid ya station im blazing
soo you manz fainting playing wit ya self like beckham play fifa on the playstation
rebel alliance got the skills so we better hence..skill be evident
kicks so hard my "athletes foots" an "Olympic gold medallist"
So buy the e.p when its comes out
Beating niggas like chung chow
blow sweeping dese tugs till dey dun...ouch!
the new shit on the stereo
And you could tell that it's real when you hear me go hear flow

Skills) gramma spitz the hitz am im vile
Spit flows rip shows spin on the vinly
(Skills) rebel alliance dropping dark science
start violence jack up the beat cuz we bar pirates
(Skills) It's, the music that ya peeps love
Each thug, is now reppin this with deep love
(Skills) r.a we duelin again spillin ya veins
Watch as we killin dem fake


what do ya think i need to do :shoot: :huh:

I Read One Line Im Off This Im Laughing Right Now Loud The Block Can Hear Me 1

Its Clean Shit. Basically You Just Need To Work On Your Structure And Word Play Some More. I Feel You Got Good Potential. No Joke. Respond To My Verses "suppertime", "party Crashin'", And "seein' Me" When You Get A Chance.

...supervillain

aight man thankz ...ill check your piece
1

yo that was dope. i like your fuckin mind. nice work.