im kinda new at this so any help is appreciated
 

well i stayed up and wrote this piece about my life and my opinions
i hope i get some feedback

I lived my life in sin but my faith keeps me heaven bound,
Sometimes i look at life and wish i could turn it around
Nights alone when im reflecting, listening to my inner sound
then waking up at night, ready to pound
on the next bitch who disses me or the mid east
people dont understand me when im nice, so im releasing the beast
Im done giving advice to u bitches, i aint ur fuckin priest
Too much drama for me to handle, so im waving goodbye
All i wanna do is mind my own business and get fuckin hi
so im spitting the real shit, this aint sum joke or a lie
Bashar is ready to make his mark like the american pie
Im an arabic soldier so I kno ur a lil bit scared
ive had bitches threating me before and i neva fuckin cared
I aint a lil kid anymore, my vision is no longer imparied
now im a grown ass man now, always ready and prepared
I aint neva been accepted, people just judged and fuckin stared
they called me a wansksta, a faker with no game or any skill
cant u get bitches get it straight, this aint a fuckin drill
so shut ur big ass lips before i fuck up ur grill
cause i got a fuckin liscense that says "ready to kill"
You betta either step back or take a chill pill
And after all is said and done, I'll be here standing still
So take a look at my life and learn from wut i did
cause this eighteen year old is no longer a kid
i mite be a rookie and ill admit im new to the game
but whoever fuckin said an arab cant get some rap fame
so this is for anyone who ever wanted to make a name
im puttin these haters to rest then im passin the flame
tired of hiding my race and being put to shame
cause dealing with this bullshit can drive anyone insane
so theres only one way to get shit off ur brain
pack urself a bowl and smoke good ol mary jane
shes the only girl who helps you get through ur daily pain
the suffering, the anger, the days with endless rain
the times when u thought life was worthless and there was nothin left to gain
So my message is real easy to understand, its quite simple and plain
work hard at what u want, dont let things go in vain
have ur fun while can, smoke herb but never touch cane
keep a couple of friends close and watch ur fuckin back
respect girls and treat them good, dont just holla and mack
its real easy to lie and get girls in the sack
but that means u dont like who u really are, and boi thats fuckin whack
and finally be patient, listen and dont attack
so thanks for hearing me out, now Bashar says that's a fuckin wrap

uppin for any feedback

It was straight man, for being new to the game. You kinda got the same style as me. It must be that Indiana flavor. (reppin' Ft. Wayne here). Not bad though. Think about using better vocab to shorten it and make it sweeter.

thanks man....im repping bloomington but i got some of my bois are from the wayne...repsent the napp ....thanks for ur input...
holla bac

that was sick. like world war said expand your vocab. i liked it. keep elevating.

I will work on my vocab, thanks for ur feedback...

Damn!!! That was red! I wish my rhymes was that slik. I can relate to ALOT of the things you sed to.

that was nice and it flowed well

I took some people's advice and i revised it and added a chorus....

Take a Look Inside

I lived my life in sin but my faith keeps me heaven bound,
Sometimes i look at life and wish i could turn it around
Nights alone when im reflecting, listening to my inner sound
then waking up at night, ready to fuckin pound
fuck u racist bitches, my anger is starting to mound
so here my warning to u , dont disrespect the middle east
no one heard me when im nice, so im releasing the beast
Im done giving advice to u bitches, i aint ur fuckin priest

So take a look inside my life and glance up at the skies
god keep me from all these evil sinner and their lies
fuck the drugs and alcohol, who need these crooked highes
maybe when ur confused like me......shit take a look in my eyes

Too much drama for me to handle, so im waving goodbye
All i wanna do is mind my own business and get fuckin high
no more covering up people's dirt, im ready to fly
so im spitting the real shit, this aint sum joke or lie
Im ready to fuck the world like its the american pie
Im an arabic soldier so I kno ur bitches are kinda scared
ive had niggas threating me before and i neva fuckin cared
I aint a lil kid anymore, my vision no longer imparied
im a grown ass man , eighteen years got me well prepared
I aint neva been accepted, people just judged so I stared
wishing for anyone to swing first, but no one fuckin dared

So take a look inside my life and glance up at the skies
god keep me from all these evils people and their lies
fuck the drugs and alcohol, who need these crooked highes
maybe when ur confused like me......shit take a look in my eyes

Haters called me a wansksta, a faker with no game or skill
cant u get bitches get it straight, this aint a fuckin drill
so listen up to me before i have aus fuck up ur girll
then leave ur families guessing who throw u over that fuckin hill
My fuckin liscense is deadly with a label that reads "ready to kill"
So either step the fuck back or take a chill pill
Cause i got arabs who will fuck u up, we always stand still
U motherfuckers cant never move us, we just too damn ill

So take a look inside my life and glance up at the skies
god keep me from all these evils people and their lies
fuck the drugs and alcohol, who need these crooked highes
maybe when ur confused like me......shit take a look in my eyes


i mite be a rookie and ill admit im new to the game
but whoever fuckin said an arab cant get some rap fame
so this is for anyone who ever wanted to make a name
im puttin these haters to rest then im passin the flame
tired of hiding my race and being put to shame
cause dealing with this bullshit can drive anyone insane
so theres only one way to get shit off ur brain
pack urself a bowl and smoke good ol mary jane
shes the only girl who helps you get through ur daily pain
the suffering, the anger, the days of endless rain
the times when u thought life was worthless and there was nothin left to gain

So take a look inside my life and glance up at the skies
god keep me from all these evils people and their lies
fuck the drugs and alcohol, who need these crooked highes
maybe when ur confused like me......shit take a look in my eyes

So my message is real easy to understand, its quite simple and plain
work hard at what u want, dont let things go in vain
have ur fun while can, smoke herb but never touch cane
keep a couple of friends close and watch ur fuckin back
respect girls and treat them good, dont just holla and mack
so when this beat ends, dont be talking that fuckin smack
cause sooner or later, me and aus gonna have jordan up on the map
represting all the sand niggers from toronto to the dirty napp
so get off my nuts already, cause thats a fuckin wrap


feeback please....thanks