First freestyle. Please read
 

Ok, I'm new to rappin'. And this is my first freestyle I created. Please let me know what I am missing and what I should take out, and all that other type of stuff.

Here it is:

Your rappin’ technique, is not what you expected/
You like William Hung, famous for bein’ rejected/
Hearin’ your rhymes, I’d say it’s time to elevate/
Your girl be wantin’ me, so you forced to masturbate/
You just fuck around, wastin’ everybody’s time/
Don’t know what you was thinkin’, don’t know what’s on your mind/
You go around town wantin’ a beef wit a cat/
If that’s true, I’ll add two large fries and a dog wit that/
Don’t fuck around wit a nigga, that you can’t touch/
Or end up gettin’ your ass killed, on the hospital bus/
Yea, it’s true, that I fucked you up alright/
Like Michael Jackson, your face went from black to fuckin' white/

Really lookin' for some feedback. please. :help:

yo
that flow was tight kid............................................... ...........

im feelin it
 

:thumbup: :headbang: :headbang: :thumbup: :laugh:
that was some dope shit. im feelin that.
keep it up kid.
check some of my shit out on open mic.
everything was good, but try to increase your vocab and your usage wit multies, and your punchlines.
you had a good number of them, but its better to use them a lot more in freestyle.

much love from demolish :thumbup:

Nvm, I found out what it is. I really want to hear what other people think of this. plz

go check your emergency thread, I did an example of multi's

Is this your first time rapping period? or your first net rap?

lmao @ this.. *sigh* memories :)

lol@ you being banned for cheating.

^shit happens, yo. :shoot:

Good way to put it..

^weerd, yo. uppin' my first OM EVER!!! :cool:

oh... lmao @ you bein' banned for biting :)