ma second so gimme a break but b honest
 

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i pack no weapons niggaz but ima souljah
cuz tha way i spit,words gon b colda

its ma second freesyle so gimme a break
i surprised tha unreal niggaz who thought i wuz fake

i cared for a minute who saw wut i did
now i jus go wit tha flo,kinda ad lib

spit as i go
some niggaz mite neva kno
spit leads to emotional gro
i admit i ain't got tha best flo
but then again that's wut i'm doin this fo

i spit fa tha niggaz that can't talk
niggaz i run fa tha ppl that can't walk

i keep it goin till tha mournin and i neva stop
bringin back old wit new like "POP AND LOCK"

naw i ain't gon grab ma glock
i leave em on tha shelf
cuz that's last resort cuz
its not too good fa ya health
keep ma rhymes on tha low
spit in tha mode of stealth


honest replies

it was al right for a right off the head freestyle

pack no weapons niggaz but ima souljah
cuz tha way i spit,words gon b colda
Alright, bucould've worded it different.

its ma second freesyle so gimme a break
i surprised tha unreal niggaz who thought i wuz fake
Not really needed, but was iight. Could've taken out unreal and it would've had better flow.

i cared for a minute who saw wut i did
now i jus go wit tha flo,kinda ad lib
the second line made the flow choppy.

spit as i go
some niggaz mite neva kno
spit leads to emotional gro
i admit i ain't got tha best flo
but then again that's wut i'm doin this fo
I'm picky, I don't like 4 word lines ;(. Good lines , just lost wyour flow again.

i spit fa tha niggaz that can't talk
niggaz i run fa tha ppl that can't walk
good emotiona stuff. Had good flow, and i guess a good message.

i keep it goin till tha mournin and i neva stop
bringin back old wit new like "POP AND LOCK"
Good flow. Liked these lines

naw i ain't gon grab ma glock, i leave em on tha shelf
cuz that's last resort cuz its not good fa ya health
keep ma rhymes on tha low and in tha mode of stealth
Would've been better like this ^. Last line wasn't good ender. But it was iight

Overall. It was an iight freestyle. It was easier to judge then the other one because of the length and topic. i think you had 1 meta, ok flow overall, the rest you were missin. Work on Vocab, try and fit multies and punches in too.

4/10

it wuz aiight for ya 2nd but keep doin whay u do
and elevation will come e-z