RapVerse.com Community - Gimme some feedback on this

*This is a song I put together, jus trying to get some comments, it'd be much appreciated*

Chorus:
Everything he wanted he took/
Nigga's scared to step up, nigga's is shook/
Can take out a whole block wit jus one look/
Takes life head on, dis nigga's a real crook/

Everything he wanted he took/
Nigga's scared to step up, nigga's is shook/
Can take out a whole block wit jus one look/
Takes life head on, dis nigga's a real crook/

His wives are in his holsters, constantly naggin'/
Reliable never folster, puttin' nigga's on meat wagons/
He gotta itchy trigga finga, gats rang out like singas/
24/7 blinga, quick to be a bitch neck ringa/
he eats bitch nigga's for breakfast, an real nigga's for dinner/
Take des nigga's neckless, no remorse, a real sinner/
Complete disregard for humanity, his gats spru profanity/
His life's insanity, but to him his gats are vanity/
His life's complex, but as a man he's very simple/
If nigga's flex, he'll pop they ass like a pimple/
Ridiciously ambitous, violent down right vicious/
Notoriously malious, malign dis nigga has crime enshrined/

Everything he wanted he took/
Niggas scared to step up, niggas is shook/
Can take out a whole block wit jus one look/
Takes life head on, dis nigga's a real crook/

Thug life he injested, for time invested, found comfort an nested/
He been tested, arrested, for peice of mind he quested/
His life coincides wit what his upbringing provides/
Mom's beat'em wit da force of da tides when he made strides/
He couldn't understand why mom's hated him so much/
Or why the belt always gave his ass a touch/
Nowadays those memories are an emotional crutch/
He now carries a chip on his shoulder, da size of a boulder/
His emotions are colder than scully an molder/
All problems are resolved in bloodshed, ground painted red/
No more words said, jus make sure everybody dead/
He lives by da creed, make everybody bleed/
His concious is nowhere in sight, niggas think its tight/
It ain't right, how da fuck does he sleep at night/
His demeanor is meaner then every nigga he knows/
Dats why his beemer is cleaner, an got all da hoes/
Dis nigga runs da block, an got bitches turning tricks/
Goota a payroll for da cops, he sittin' on bricks/

Everything he wanted he took/
Niggas scared to step up, niggas is shook/
Can take out a whole block wit jus one look/
Takes life head on, Dis nigga's a real crook/

Everythin he wanted he took/
Niggas scared to step up, niggas is shook/
Can take out a whole block wit jus one look/
Takes life head on, dis nigga's a real crook/

I watched his rise an fall, his strides an stalls/
The eyes of those mauled, his pride was overhauled/
His demise was a surprise, first his paper was on crunch/
He was finally chastised, it hit faster than a tyson punch/
His pockets got smacked up like tina turner, he couldn't conceive it/
Da niggas of past murders came wit da burner, he couldn't believe it/
They came round da corner blastin', he was caught offguard/
In my mind his expression is everlastin', my soul forever marred/
He live fast, an died young, an left behind a son named cory/
Now he's the past, but he went out in a blaze of glory/
He would have never imagined that this would be his story/
He played da game, for paper an dames, yearned for street fame/
He thought being a thug da shit, lifed life in the fast lane/
Got plugged wit slugs quick,latest obituary bolsters his first & last name/