give me some feed back
 

http://community.rapbattles.com/showthread.php?t=119365


thats where the battle was so u can see what he wrote,
tell me what u think about my verse




Hell yea i aint posted nothin yet, im like a fuze thats just been lit,
U think i aint got skills ur bout to get murdered
im the motherfuckin waiter and u just been surved,
HA sain ur a heavy wait, the last pussy u seen was when u was in the 2nd grade,
My rage is like a chainsaw sittin behind bars, when i get let loose i leave people with scars,
think il call out for aid, ur ugly as hell il call u "bitch made"
My flow cant be tuched cuz its been mastered, ur flows are corny u ulgy ass basterd,
still in school but never messed with,
Hey i know u, i just did ur chick,
she said u got nothin in bed,
she told me she had more pleasure givin me head,
i know one thing that ur names not,
2 words bitch its aint hot,
u wana be gangster ur weak,
im slick smooth and cant be beat,
u may be alchohaul but im weed,
toke me up and ul never be beat,
dont hit to much tho or u could die,
im down with this clown im not even gona try..

yo don't take this as an insult playa....but you need lots of work it was ok but you have no punches, multies, vocab, wordplay, but you do have good flow and structure which you can build on, but those things I mentioned are vital cause in this forum, they vote on that shit