feedback appreciated....
 

I'm breakin barriers like mach 5 air craft carriers
I'm givin you the intro to somethin much scarrier

see i'm shatterin your beliefs like religion was porecelain
we can support the death penalty but don't believe in abortion

that shits hypocratical I'll leave your condition critical
from exposin the difference between whats right and whats "biblical"

pay attention to this verse and watch the truth immerse
cause I'm bout to put on a show that couldn't be rehearsed

the government suppresses truth from the youth like they were born without rights
thats why my scriptures induce those who chose to write rhymes instead of fight

Your faith is broken while the fires still smokin you condemn violence but keep provokin and pokin fun at those who die chokin

wheres the relevance? we got animals rights abusin elephants, you call it elequonce? i call it ignorance

everything is a double negative while opposites attract now tell me whats the difference? A rapist for a priest justfies his sins by abortin less than infants

what your readin you might be disagreein but thats cause your not seein
all your doin is believin that your faith was right from the begginin regardless of your sinnin your goin to heaven Fuck what you did on septemeber elevent cause thats over, the night gets colder, when a greater being casts you down don't say i never told ya

cause see the basis and structure for all religion is basic
the golden oasis or land of rapture will leave you debrained and tasteless

but taste this, it's not food it's Oxygen for thought
we needa stop worryin about who's athiest and who's not

honestly, my honesty is subtracted from reality
who's to say what the difference is between strange and normality

I'ts not normal or formal to kill just for a JUST cause
politics, need to swallow this and follow this plause



i was all over the place....but take it for what it's worth

Sick< Tight Shit

^ Oh yeah great feedback!!

Man that shit was ill i mean nice multies n the way you worded everything was inch-perfect. As you admitted flow was all over the place but that didnt matter to me.

Favorite lines

I'm breakin barriers like mach 5 air craft carriers
^ great opener

that shits hypocratical I'll leave your condition critical
from exposin the difference between whats right and whats "biblical"
^ lovin the multies

wheres the relevance? we got animals rights abusin elephants, you call it elequonce? i call it ignorance
^ very nice

everything is a double negative while opposites attract now tell me whats the difference? A rapist for a priest justfies his sins by abortin less than infants
^ very nice probably my favorite line in the verse

honestly, my honesty is subtracted from reality
who's to say what the difference is between strange and normality
^ illness

overall i'd give this 8/10

Peace
-TiK-

yo on the real thanks for the feedback...that was my first time really messin with multies...so thats cool.

I'm breakin barriers like mach 5 air craft carriers
I'm givin you the intro to somethin much scarrier

I like this opener, good similes and nice wordplay since it IS the intro couplet...

see i'm shatterin your beliefs like religion was porecelain
we can support the death penalty but don't believe in abortion

Again, good similes, strong rhyme and ill concept...

that shits hypocratical I'll leave your condition critical
from exposin the difference between whats right and whats "biblical"

Ahhhh shit...you're right up my alley here...nice nice nice...good mutli

pay attention to this verse and watch the truth immerse
cause I'm bout to put on a show that couldn't be rehearsed

I think you meant immerge...lines a'ight...kinda filler...

the government suppresses truth from the youth like they were born without rights
thats why my scriptures induce those who chose to write rhymes instead of fight

Flows a little off in the second line, but good multis, more ill concepts...

Your faith is broken while the fires still smokin you condemn violence but keep provokin and pokin fun at those who die chokin

Niiiiice multi use

wheres the relevance? we got animals rights abusin elephants, you call it elequonce? i call it ignorance

Again, good multi use

everything is a double negative while opposites attract now tell me whats the difference? A rapist for a priest justfies his sins by abortin less than infants

SICK second line...a little awkward, flow-wise, in the first line...

what your readin you might be disagreein but thats cause your not seein
all your doin is believin that your faith was right from the begginin regardless of your sinnin your goin to heaven Fuck what you did on septemeber elevent cause thats over, the night gets colder, when a greater being casts you down don't say i never told ya

Goin' OFF...sick verse, sick multi use...

cause see the basis and structure for all religion is basic
the golden oasis or land of rapture will leave you debrained and tasteless

Second line flow is a little awkward, but good multi-use..

but taste this, it's not food it's Oxygen for thought
we needa stop worryin about who's athiest and who's not

hehehe...nice...good wordplay because Oxygen is food for thought..nice...

honestly, my honesty is subtracted from reality
who's to say what the difference is between strange and normality

AH! Good question in the second line, nice multis...

I'ts not normal or formal to kill just for a JUST cause
politics, need to swallow this and follow this plause

Seems a little unfinished here...The closer doesn't hold up against some of the other couplets...

Good shit Wild, very good shit. The concepts are ill, the rhymes are strong; diggin' deeper all the time! The flows a little off, but that's not hard to fix. overall, this is an A verse in my book....nice shit...

come on...more feedback please

uppin this for more feedback