BlackThief Vs Fatal LyrikzZ
 

Fatal Verse
I Leave This Boy Bruised Black And Blue.|
Finally You Posted But Like A Library Ya Post Was Overdue..|
Inflicting Wounds The Only Thing You Inflict Is Cancer And Diabetes.|
Next Time I Shouldnt Battle Him Cause He Causin Diseases.|
He Askin In Front Lines Can I Come Out And Play.|
And The Only Trigger He Pulled Was A Bottle Of Cleaning Spray.|
What Makes Him Have Confidence He Cant Even Spell.|
He Had A CORDLESS Phone But Shit Still He FELL.|
Last Line Have A Nice Day While I Inflict Venom In Ya Skin.|
He Tangled Like A ~Violin~ Within His Brain He Cant ~WIN~
________________-
Black Thief Verse

aiight is this another battle or just another roast//
just another reason why people shit on on tha West Coast//
And if you think you really gonna win son...who taught ya//
I'll leave cats at tha crime scene like "who shot ya?"//
Another cat from Cali who thiink he "hella" hot//
but u can get popped too...so u can be just like Pac//
cause California may know how to party///
but in tha dirty dirty all we do is ride wit shottys//
Fatal lyrics, or self inflicted wounds//
fuck killin u son...I'll shove ya back into tha womb.....a bloody tomb...RIP

Alright PLease Poll Vote On This Sry Bout Tha Otha THREADS

upppin.............lets get some votes plz.

uppin....

upppin..........

Vote !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !

http://community.rapbattles.com/showthread.php?t=119676

yo I'll come with a honest vote if you hit this battle up

this battle between me and truth is hot...yall need to vote...i'll returnt th favor

http://community.rapbattles.com/showthread.php?t=119513

Fatal
Flow – nice
Punches – I don’t know, it’s hard to tell, ya burnt yaself with the Disease line
And lost me with the CORDLESS line
Personals – nice ya could go deeper into it
Meti’s – you were styling it out
All and all – I didn’t feel it, nice flow but a bit confusing – 4/10

Best line
“I Leave This Boy Bruised Black And Blue
Finally You Posted But Like A Library Ya Post Was Overdue”

Black thief
Flow – yeah….you stuck it through
Punches – every line, great opener
Personals – yeah I liked yours more
Meti’s – ok
All and all – much better then him, 6/10

Best line
“cause California may know how to party,
but in tha dirty dirty all we do is ride wit shotty’s”

Vote Black Thief

preciate tha feedback.....uppin.....................

uppin

Here's how I saw it, line by line........

I Leave This Boy Bruised Black And Blue.|
Finally You Posted But Like A Library Ya Post Was Overdue..|
Needs to be reworded.....shakey start
Inflicting Wounds The Only Thing You Inflict Is Cancer And Diabetes.|
Next Time I Shouldnt Battle Him Cause He Causin Diseases.|
Can't really inflict diabetes........
He Askin In Front Lines Can I Come Out And Play.|
And The Only Trigger He Pulled Was A Bottle Of Cleaning Spray.|
Creative......
What Makes Him Have Confidence He Cant Even Spell.|
He Had A CORDLESS Phone But Shit Still He FELL.|
I just don't get it, maybe I'm readin it wrong
Last Line Have A Nice Day While I Inflict Venom In Ya Skin.|
He Tangled Like A ~Violin~ Within His Brain He Cant ~WIN~
Makes no sense......



aiight is this another battle or just another roast//
just another reason why people shit on on tha West Coast//
Nice personal......
And if you think you really gonna win son...who taught ya//
I'll leave cats at tha crime scene like "who shot ya?"//
Ehh.......Could be worded better
Another cat from Cali who thiink he "hella" hot//
but u can get popped too...so u can be just like Pac//
Not bad
cause California may know how to party///
but in tha dirty dirty all we do is ride wit shottys//
Not really a punch......
Fatal lyrics, or self inflicted wounds//
fuck killin u son...I'll shove ya back into tha womb.....a bloody tomb...RIP
Nice Closer........Best punch in the battle

Overall this was a one sided battle. Black thief came with a lot more creativity wit his punches. I feel that punches are what wins battles so I pretty much vote for whoever had the best punches. I'll tell ya about all the other stuff too though. Niether had any multis or good structure. Wordplay was minimal from both.

Best Line.........
Fatal lyrics, or self inflicted wounds//
fuck killin u son...I'll shove ya back into tha womb.....a bloody tomb...RIP
^Black Thief

Vote - Black Thief

preciate all honesty and votes.......keep votin yall

Punches: Fatal
Flow: Black
Vocab: Fatal
Opener: Black..."aiight is this another battle or just another roast//
just another reason why people shit on on tha West Coast//" <~~Lol shyt was funny and real
Closer: Fatal..."Last Line Have A Nice Day While I Inflict Venom In Ya Skin.|
He Tangled Like A ~Violin~ Within His Brain He Cant ~WIN~" <~~iight line
Creativity: Tie....nuffin really creative
STructure: Tie
Overall Vote: Black....i feel black won becuz his flow was better...the only thing that threw him off a lil was dat.."cause California may know how to party///
but in tha dirty dirty all we do is ride wit shottys//"..line

Aight.. the phone line is a play on the joke that "yo moma so stupid she tripped on the cord of a wireless phone." I get it... but nobody else seems to which means you probably gotta reword it. Overall, your verse was too much prancying around with wordplay, no hard hitting action... you can have wordplay and punches, but dont sacrifice the latter for the former. The closer, for example, had a nice original multi but a weak as hell punch.

Black basically won this for his hella nice closer, notice the mutli that is used but also a nice punch and he opened with his second strongest punch and a personal. That's how you do a battle, in my opinion. The middle three bars weren't great, work on that, but the open and closer get the vote.

Honest votes on my battle vs pp2 (link in sig).