another school poem..
 

aight this poem is......another school project.....need some feedbak....


im a man full of love,
i love to hate this communist country,
my family is no longer a family,
we are all exiled thirsty and hungry,
in this place i will grow old, faint and weak,
this communist place does not even allow me to have freedom of speech,
struggling in strife, praying for god to fill my lungs with another breath,
my end is near, in this place they hold my life and death,
the dictator says this consintration camp will help my people excel,
this place he says will help feels more like a jail,
racism will hold me back i can never succeed, only fail.
racism, dictatorship, and communism.


aight there it is now come wit the feed bak

can i get some feed bak................

feed bak
 

'mon any type of feed bak

kinda weak man... not much going on in terms of poetic devices.. try to work some imagery, metaphors and the such in.

it was a good description of the times. But it was lacking in all other categories... For poems you need some imagery, a little more emotion, and vocab helps. All in All its a good poem for school, but needs to be elevated to get seen here. wuN

I don't get how you hate this "communist country"

last I checked this is the least communist country. lol.