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Untitled
Yeah...
Dont ask... Tonight I lay and ponder and soon my mind wanders To wonder if I've ever experienced a set of lips softer And not often would I dare.. or even think to share Those things deep within that scare.... without a care I hope you'll be there.. those nights until the fear has passed And watch that pain fade away... to a smile within your grasp . . . Will it last? Well... lets wait to see if it even starts again.... Is she more than a friend? I'm not sure... but my heart bleeds an emphatic yes And can you deal with these nights of stress? Its worth a try, to find a time where its as good as it gets . . . My past precedes... I guess thats why I seem overrun with needs. But believe... to see something blossom, I'm willing to plant the seeds And fall to my knees and plead to not let my flaws blind you Instead find you... and let my tears and scars bring the truth That even with tainted eyes and mind... I can see loving you . . . Christy.. you know I hate it... but for you I wont stop it I'll continue... daily... to ignore my minds logic |
???
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Anyone?
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yo that was alright dogg
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Nice shit... A lot of emotion and i like the questioning part. Good drop.
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This site needs help with feedback... everything is so lacking
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i know it was a short feedback, but people dont give feedback on anything. The poetry thread is and has been asleep ever since i got here.
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I like it, I like the time progression, especially the second stanza because I think you played the emotion really well there. The only thing I wish you had was maybe a stanza right before the last one, sort of leading into it, although the abruptness and shortness of the last two lines does add some allure to it. I also feel like the first stanza feels a bit out of place, although it might just be too early in the morning (yes.. morning) for me, and I'm missing something.
Nice though. |
Its probably lacking alot... it was a little 5 minute key last night..
Was going to make it longer but I had to go take a piss |
It's alright, the emotion was strong through the whole piece. Five minuts makes it even more impressive. well job well done chrit.
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Up.
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Easy but your gettin emotional on me... i was listenin to your karoke battles yestarday you do a great alladin... haha j.p. man you got some hot shit if i knew anything bout poetry but as far as i know that was good
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