Search the Shadows
 

Maybe it's time you revealed your game to us
Show the people you lied to, you broke their trust
Now that I've broke you down, this hate you made
I remove your mask, Don't hide your face

You lead her
Down a path shes seen before
She can't see that
You lie and whats in store
Understand this
You have been figured out
Ignorance was bliss
Until she found what you're about

You keep your words hidden , in the shade
Unknowing of what you corrupt, a violent rage
I keep my spirits up, bow your head in shame
This beast you've released, his minds untamed

They silenced my warnings, you took their minds
A dying passion, I leave her behind
Let ignorance find itself, and make her realize

up.

The Search is OVER! (ok im gonna actually read it now :D)

Ok, very nice. I really like what you did in that middle stanza with the structure. The third stanza, I felt some of the wording was off and didn't really go well with the poem, but otherwise very nice.

yeah this is actually and original song i wrote as a poem.. the 2nd stanza is actually the chorus. thanks for the feedback

well done

structure was evident on this peice. stayed on topic. topic was original. very discriptive. vocab was decent. it seemed like a song (even before i read your above post)

favorite lines:
"This beast you've released, his minds untamed"

Im in a band and it is a song we do. Thanks. Up