A Brush With Death
 

this piece is about seeing my dead friend wun last time


I met an old friend today
He was just as I remembered him from my youth
We remeniced on times past
Of how we first met when my best friend went away
I had just turned thirteen
When Darius was found in his back yard swinging
Toes barely inches above
The ground we played tag on every spring

My old friend appeared heavy hearted
I asked him what was weighing down upon him so
The reply came that he missed me
And the games we would play each time we met
I inquired of the others
For I know I am not alone in this misery called life
He cracked a sinister grin
The one I grew oh so fond of and said "No, it's not time"

I agreed as we sat alone
And shared a comfortable silence as only TRUE friends can do
Then bid each other farewell
As I watched him ride his ebony steed into the distant darkness

yo yall hit this shit up its hott....pc

This was emotional and deep man. Nicely written work on transitions so it could flow more betta.

thanks i will work on that UPPIN for some more feedback....

yo deadly....i said i was Sinzz not Siinz

uppin this shit for somemore feedback comon peep

That was deep man that was good strong words were used in that dont give up 1

man im dissapointed in the sort of replies on this side of rb.

babes i thought this was more of a piece written just to get a story/message/feelings out. it didnt seem to focus around structure, rhyming or anything else really. thou it still was a smooth read really i think it needs to be bumped up a little structure wise. the story thou i thought you showed well, could be more details and descripitions but the simpleness kept it good too.

T