:: gimme alittle feedback on this please ::
 

ok this has gotta be one of my spits from the heart. still unfinshed but can i get sum feedback on how it is so far.


though i walk through the vally of the shadow of death/
my head is high, i dont look right or left/
i got my blinkers aiming str8 for my goal/
fuk da crime, da hussly and dem dutty ass hoes/
i dnt entten to gt mixed up in da pol-li-tricks/
or wined up , sukin on sum1s dick/
nah i got my mind on a level/
so dats no doing work of dat minipulating devil/
i got my head screwed, so i stay in skool/
so dat no fukin around, even doe it maybe cool/
i aint takin lifes, incase dere ready 2 take mine/
in dat case, in da river , their body you wud fine/
i blaze, but i dnt go over board/
u cud find ur self, chopping heads wid samari swords/
im glad dat i can read and write/
u gimmic ass fools, jst give me da mic/
ill be spitting wise words forever and ever im 2 clever /
so ull neva c me and sharks together/ ( music indusry sharks )
im from london, and im proud to be/
i aint no muddafukin U.S wannabe/

(hook)
this is life im talkin, u gotta b ready 4 it/
cos it aint waitin 4 u, it dnt give a shit/
it will jst take u out like dat/
one day ur livin in da sky, next ur livin wid a rat/
this is life im talkin, u gotta b ready 4 it/
cos it aint waitin 4 u, it dnt give a shit/
it will jst take u out like dat/
one day ur linin da sky, next ur livin wid a rat/

dis world is seriously to fuked up/
one wrong look and ur face gets mucked up/
to many gyals are skets,but u jst cnt tell/
it cud be amy,katie or maybe michelle/
too many gyals dat fink they're 2 nice/
gwanin like ur innocent, pure white like rice/
wen u bin jucied more times den a sewers got mice/
and u fool fool bois have to pay da price/
cos u jump in wid out ur dom/
it dnt care hu u r, it dnt care where ur from/
cos HIV is jst ready 2 spike/
u dumbass fool, dat dnt do it rite/
you got da fake mcs dat fink dat ur hot/
finking ur a bigman wen seriously your reali not/
walkin street wid dat battyman man bop/
robbing youtz, jst for a next shot/
goin next endz for the gun shop/
you've got an ak, and your ready to pop/
leavin bodies dead, layin 2 rot/
cum on people dis beef jst has gotta stop/

ok can i get sum feedbakc on dis please

DELIQUINT

Go
www.google.com
and type EMESSENGER U can go on MSN FROM THAT...

yeh i kno, but cos i iant on broadband its much slower. anyway wot u fink of my spit?????

Wanna i starting reading it
I thought what the fuck
HE`s biting lines from Coolio . .But you must have just catch phrased it
I would say you need alot of work on you`re VOCAB........
You`re rhyme scheme is too basic

to many gyals are skets,but u jst cnt tell/
it cud be amy,katie or maybe michelle/
^ Yo whats this gotta do with you`re heart . .

It`s Aight i guess since you`re new im go with 6/10 . .
Just need the vocab fixed peace..

srry man, it actuallty a garage spit ( well parts arre anyway ) da 1st verse is all rap which was kinda from da heart, its actually about life. anyway more feedback.

o and m-sections dat e-messenger is propa slo and shit dats y i dnt use it.

like m section said this verse was extremely basic. the vocab n multis were lackin severly along with the metaphors. it flowed okay but ya need to hit a dictionary and expand ya knowledge