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[Feelings] Part 3
Reveal my torcher and condemn anger in each sorts, Believe to inspire as role modals hide true identity, Receive hostility like reign to but reveal no enemy, Conclude careers shatter and reflex to respect complex, Exclude intruders and brutally suspend with context, Free like bungee jump free fall response in seek wall, Explicit to fortune condemn fate and unleash mystical, Re-visit conquers to revenge like heroin but biblical, Fearful but resent to fact and figure consent immortal, Sinserful to contemplate respect consolidate resentful, Life? A concept of hate like emimes makes world shadow, Knife hatred fumes of 9mm our destiny hazy lie wow! At the depths of imagination is kindle of salute, sat considered a parable a instion needing to gambit foot, Garrotte invading our welfare but stimulation can be ore, Graffiti spraying thoughts while our orb earth host core, Deepest oral implied like English literature lending portage, Quest of secrets and more here than present gunning for gage, Co-Habbit reasons like couples performance bleak sense innovation, Change Like Seasons spring back preventing seek well of Combination, Resorted to look skywards to look down id see how far id fall, Distort to consider frailer love compact with intent to crawl, More Sequences than birds in the sky and I birds considered “Fly” Lore Hoes for “Dime” Restricted but touch cloud nine sky, Judge me but what I just quoted isn’t present its past history, Grudges by physiognomy and respect errant though History….. |
Okay, The rhyme scheme wasn't consistant throughout, which isn't a problem, its just that at times it wasn't quite as smooth as others- this is down to sylables and where you placed your rhymes. On a note for you to elevate in terms of rhyming, is to try and use multis, because you can rhyme one word along with that of the inners aswell. But multis would practically lay down supremecy in the rhyming aspect of your writing. Your vocabulary was beautiful, honestly- it had a delicacy to it which i envy. There wasn't any; if few poetic techniques which really set you aisde from the rest as a profound writer, so work on that. but you had a really stong writers voice, which is extremely pleasing to read. You've come along way, just keep going and don't let off the throttle, keep working even harder ! This was v/good !!
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upp
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damm slept on like WOAH!!
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upp 4 fuck sakes
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k well this wasnt nun special da voacb was serious....but ya flow was off @ tymez....but at othaz it was good so ta elevate juss wurk on keepin ya flow insink threwout da whole scheme....
~WuN~ |
hexen ive def been feelin every drop u put in this shty so far but im not likin dis 2 much i think ya vocab and structure slipped a lil but its iight cuz i kno u gunna get back on ya game iight keep it comin playa..........
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lol..the vocab sliped..amn read it next time
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Your words were good but big words don't make a rhyme..ur rhyme scheme fell off and never got picked up..I loved ur direction but ur focus got lost cuz of the rhyme scheme elevate on that..*ONE*
SB lol |
aiight cheers dawg
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Well, its titled feelings, but I still feel it somewhat lacks coherency and direction, it sort of just moves around, without any specific end or begining, otherwise its nice. It would be nice if you worked on the flow a bit, some of the rhyme scheme I think is very nice, at other spots its a little akward. But yeah, nice drop.
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