|
FlOw InTeLLiGeNt Vs. t-storm....Topical
aiight heres the rules....
20 lines min 40 lines max verse due withing 36 hours after this thread was made 3-0 KO no d/r hate or crew votes Topic: Painting A Picture Worth A Thousand Words (t-storm the topic of war is too easy and too many people have done it so i figured lets do something new) check in ~!1!~ Win by KO |
ok
aiight mate...the topics crazy...cool though....checkin in............................................
|
I Think It Would Be Easier To Understand If I Described What I Was Painting... So My Painting Is Of A Weary Man...Check Out The Details
As I nudge close, eyes engulfed in the brushstrokes Bristles whistle on a canvas of habits and touch home This Picasso grows old with a cloth cold blind fold And chose to put life in perspective with his eyes closed Lines flow with no boundaries when they’re found to meet With a crash, a splash of color that covers the bounds of seas Unwound and free like a floating breeze passing by them In a frame of mind playing freeze tag with the horizon Fine print in the corner, the owner witnessed his name Crisp, sealed with a kiss of chapped lips pressing for change Wick to flame, flame to matches, candles paint the fabric Of time, light a tunnel of thought and the train is passage That climbs, to mind’s crevices, designs that pens will drip Run marathons, upon inspection are dots on sentences Lining the price tag of a portrait apportioned for retail I sold it to myself, Well… I was enamored with the details Taken for granite this man of stone, born to stand alone Set in bronze, arms weatherworn, strong, tan, and grown Hands shown, smooth and delicate, no clues of blemishes Eyes awry, gorgonized, muse the womb of Pegasus Stoop in reverence, his presence just gleams in the day Forever dreams of hero status without a wield from his blade Forever shields his face from the heels of debate Forever kneels for escape and being free of his cage Enclosed in his own pose like parentheses on a page The pause of the comma stays, sways, setting the stage Impressions in clay, dreams are still wet when they pour A vigil guard as the chisel tore his umbilical chord A symbol is born, deformed without a heart and soul Centuries apart, seemed that the art had lost it’s hold A first step, a birth of breath that he choked in cold The pain was vile but he smiled while he broke the mold |
its in the wrong order....the blue paragraph should be first to understand it better..but it doesnt really matter
|
i mean the blue paragraph should be 2nd not 1st to undersstand it better my bad
|
ok here i go
im tryin to show how a painting speaks a thousand words by colours and subject matter...................
take hand to brush.love crushed,silent skys above surrounded,bustling sounded town,friends and love time midday,sun ablaze,dry heat beneath sore feet passion for calm and peace,sunken tasted loves defeat pleased to read deeper,on another level..state of trance picks up on hatred,love,fighting and joyous playfull dance descypher surroundings to begin,colour and view protrude words and feelings unfold with each brush stroke in solitude from the grey waste land,crumbled rocks and stoney sand capturing fossilised memories and desserted,deppressive land the warm sun tells tales of distant life from far away skys today causing energy,strange life,constant downs and highs mezmorizing heat,gifted with life to shine and speak drainage leak,in city streets,defined by mountain peaks grass green,representing envy,greed,yet silent breeze life begins,depths below, motionless calm and apeasing seas beige sands admire,glossy mettalic church higher spire devil and demonic ancient tombs,religious burning fire storm begins to blow,silent hands flow in motion to rains beat suddenly the picture can breathe,taking away its blazing heat streets alive,running crowds added....umbrellas ablaze crys,children pick up pace,faces drop with the clouds haze every part of lifes desires expressed in colours,the rolling stream greens of fields,blues of water..and reds of fiery screams sadness on the surface,depth among to those who picture peace on earth by the kind who pray and long for unsubscripture only those who can take deep into the paper and see an image the picture speaks a thousand words to those who care to envisage a picture painted with changes of mind state,from hate to love to each viewer a different view to each before and above the picture lays bare in the gallery,amongst crowds abiding stare each reading deep into state of mind,every part of lifes desires to dare |
good topical piece t-storm uppin for votes ~!1!~
|
votes plz!!
get sum votes in here peeps......................
nice topical flow.................................. UPPIN! |
upin,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,cumon tight battle this....................................
|
can we get a fuckin vote in here plz!!............................................. .........
|
uppin for votes will return the favor ~!1!~
|
uppin for votes willr eturn the favor ~!1!~
|
wow...i admire battles like this... i loved reading both of yours.
T-storm- your vocabulary was quite enticing.. extensive array of words you used.. Flow-your flow was amazing in that second verse... wow.. to me the flow and wordplay was enuff to sway my vote.. there were to many awsome things about both your verses to point out.. storm:had vocab aspect flow: ironicly had flow catagory, and word arrangement(im wanting to say word play =/ ).. v/FLow.. amazing battle you two! |
ok
first off.great verses by both........
t-storm...wordplay 9/10 structure 8/10 imagery 9/10 flow 7.5/10 enjoyment 8.5/10 overall-42/50- very nice piece...flow cud be beta..apart from that great imagery and wordplay flow-wordplay 8/10 structure 8/10 imagery 8/10 flow 8.5/10 enjoyment 8/10 overall-40.5 /10-very strong verse,u had bit beta flow,but i felt t`s a bit more,overall t gets my vote 4 more creativity/imagery |
good look on feedback uppin for more votes ~!1!~
|
| All times are GMT -4. The time now is 04:20 AM. |