lost with no path
 

At first this was a game step in my path now ill
leave you in vain "Cum" out yo brain look mother
fucker IM insane... a mad man with no plan but to
blow up this planet like Saddam.. right now IM not
Really happy felling down and crapy..mix emotions
exploding wide open and IM hopen for this life to
be short IM young and already want to abort born
into this world as a curse distend everything in my
life for the worse...wishes come untrue why me why
not you but i got the clue IM not good enough for
you.. all i ever wanted was to become something in
life instead in the conner of my room with a bloody
knife i just stab my invisible wife... i have noting
to look forward to in this life no girls want me
No friends need me why cant anyone believe me...
well that's just the way it is who the fuck gives....

WOAH. First off sort ur structure, it makes us catch the flow alot easier.

set it out like this instead....


At first this was a game, step in my path now ill leave you in vain
"Cum" out yo brain look mother fucker IM insane...

Not bad rhyme scheme, vocab was simplistic but good effort. Sort ur structure tho, thats ur main problem that can be changed in immediately..stay writing.

allright man

i couldnt agree more ..but for a newb it was a pretty decent drop..

just work on certain stuff

it was ok but work ur structure a lil mo & elevate