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-   -   My Fight... (http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=133909)

Booty1icious 07-08-04 12:59 PM

My Fight...
 
The pain that lies inside, I try~to~hide,
Nobody knows that at night, I lie~and~cry,
No one to dry~my~eyes, each day worse~than~the~last,
I curse~when~they~ask, if I'm hurt~from~the~past,
I release rage on a page, It's like a verse~is~a~mask,
My hurt~is~so~vast, I'm fit to burst~as~I~blast,
It hurts~when~I~grasp, everyday's going~the~same,
My life's like a candle, reality is blowing~the~flame,
Stress overflows~in~my~brain, I'm so low~it's~insane,
And though~they~complain, there's no way I'm showing~my~pain,
I can't explain the strain, but all my skies~are~grey,
Would they care if I died~today? I'm already throwing my life~away..
I cry~and prey, but inside I'm breaking~and~dying,
Shaking~and~Crying, Aching~and~Trying,
To make tomorrow better, to make my mind~right..
Tears well up, taint my vision, blur my eye~sight,
As I realise tonight Ima cry as I write...
Wishin I would die, coz I can't win My~Fight.

Prolific_KillaH 07-08-04 01:01 PM

To make tomorrow better, to make my mind~right..
Tears well up, taint my vision, blur my eye~sight,
As I realise tonight Ima cry as I write...
Wishin I would die, coz I can't win My~Fight.

^^^ i really like tha ending part of it... i really felt it cuzz it was nice and was decent... i like tha flow and jam to it... make me feel you and the way ur fightin... goood shit yao... keep it up

peace n wun

Archeologist 07-08-04 01:02 PM

ok this wasnot that god to be honest pretty simple..
and wtf dont use all the ~~~~~ they are so annoying..
pz.

Booty1icious 07-08-04 01:11 PM

Lol. Uhh thanx pimp... very helpful.

IllWitTheSkIllZ 07-13-04 11:42 AM

I like it gurl!!!

o0oMaui_Wowieo0o 07-13-04 12:37 PM

I really liked that. Deep.

The ~s are a bit annoying though.

I suggest that you try using Bold or Italicize or you could use color to put emphasis on words instead of the ~s.

Stay Up!

Know-Gimix 07-13-04 06:07 PM

i feel this cuz I can rhyme with it, but its real honest too-- feelings that get felt and you worded it pretty well... props.... 1

mcmix 07-16-04 03:29 AM

nice poem keep up the good job

shyluv 07-16-04 05:01 AM

that's hot i like it

grandrapper 07-17-04 03:53 AM

coo coo it's a good poem i like it alot

grandrapper 07-17-04 03:55 AM

it was good but the rhyme was off


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