![]() |
Intertwined Lives
Ok, just pointing out that this piece focuses on how two people's lives can become intertwined in the heat of a moment. What you should figure out is that the style of the verse switches to determine each character... but to help you see this the 2nd person is in itallics....
No Bullshit feedback or Haters... Verse 1 Full of youthful joy of becoming employed i ran to the administration, Ready to enjoy my hopeful new life and deploy my voice full of anticipation. As today was the day, forever i had prayed to break into this industry, wrapped in my own dismay,i was ready to display my natural born talent lyrically. Nothing could be more divine than being able to refine through classes, and sharing my intricately designed, purposefully written rhymes with the masses. Constantly aiming to please, dropping rhymes 360 degrees for enjoyment, aimlessly perfecting my expertise, oppurtunities to seize in hope for employment. I had landed a deal, 7 digit figure was the real appeal to cure poverty, my pleasure i found hard to conceal, finally my future was revealed divertly. Finally we had hope, at last we could cope, pleasure plagued my behaviour, Thankfully we're off the poverty slope, i'm no longer the scape-goat only the savior, i found i could Inspire Inspiration with my dream vocation and get paid, defeat the despised desperation with my own dedication and halt the masquerades. a small step for the projects,a giant leap for my prospects and my existence, if i knew what labels expect,i could earn respect and acheive with their assisstance. Verse 2 I Woke up on that fateful day, still recovering from my last fix, In a Strang, alien household, constructed mainly of decapitated Bricks. Its horrific when you can't remember, like your suffering amnesia, Cant keep a focused mind, still a victim of drug-induced Anaesthesia. praying for the next oppurtunity that me and drugs can intertwine, Under false pretences that drugs solve problems, to the truth im blind. But these social workers can't believe i have no real addiction, Saying I've a clouded judgement, so they abide by their own jurisdictions. Find a loan shark, to fix my needs i'd have to willingly submit, How could i possibly find the cash? another robbery i'd have to commit. But if with this simple deed, all my problems could fade to black, Then i have no real choice but to do this for the last gram of smack. I knew this Record building, the funds hidden in safe obscurity, But i'd visited there before and witnessed no real sign of mass Security. I geared myself up, holstered a 9mm with a handful of Shells on me, And i began to make my way to solve my problems with a shocking felony. Verse 3 I knew this was major, so i pulled the mask to hide my identity, And began to psych myself in order to commit the upcoming obscenity. As i burst the doors open, people gasped and looked at me Hideously, Running up to the clerk at the desk with a menacing look so Vigorously. "Money in the bag!!"I shouted at the clerk,my compusure maintained, Beginning to feel faint, still victimised by the charm drugs contained. I glimpsed at the eyes of the clerk, crying under the state of Panic, Does she know I simply must do this to cure my Depression that's Manic? I heard a shrill scream, and the moments to come passed af if a blur, Rising from a sea of terror was courage that hoped to force me to Deter. i became a victim of a young man and his Couragous, foolish Actions, Attempting to stop me from making that all-important illegal Transaction. I was sympathetic, little did he know he was Inferior to this guage, I glared and pulled the trigger, he became a victim of my furious rage. like prey to a predator, he succumbed to my actions that were vile, Now what was destined to be robbery, was to turn into a Murder trial. Verse 4 As i fell, i reminicsed the days i knew i'd miss as i met my maker, for my future i resist, how can i cease to exist at the hands of an opiate-taker? As life flashed before my eyes, to my shock and surprise i felt no pain, as i met my demise, i saw through the thug's disguise and saw he couldnt abstain. i glanced at the source, his eyes showed no remorse for his action's, my outlook was coarse, with no show of force he continued to fufill his satisfactions. as the bullet hit my chest i was left gasping for breath like a smoking asthmatic, As i stared Death in the eye as i guessed i would die at the hands of a drug-addict As my eyes began to close, i saw an employee already exposed and passed away, All this because i chose, to courageously oppose he who thought it right to betray. The rightful laws without no truthful or just cause for his own intentions, I only hope he'll pause and he see his own flaws and pray for a divine intervention. only then in peace could i rest, victim of my own contests and beliefs, knowing i was blessed to even life despite my requests from death to be released. as i lay there with my dreams, torn by the seams i remembered the aspirations, i've had since my teens, forbidden by the extremes solely caused by lifes complications. |
Damn dawg, that was some hot shit, i was feelin this alot man. I liked the vocab u used the most outta everything. When i read it outloud it all came together real nice, good spit, man, keep this shit up.
Drop a line at my own shit in open mic, u cant miss it it's right on the front page |
This was awesome, i liked how you seperated the two characters in text, but they really werent, very descriptive imagery in this piece, and creativity in your writing, could visualize the story unfolding,, nice job
|
Uppin
|
uppin
|
All times are GMT -4. The time now is 05:04 PM. |