Please give me feedback
 

Yo gimme some feedback,

OrientalDun
Yeah I'm new and just marinatining like a steak
I don't fake like an actor I stay fresh like a COKE
I like to joke around from Jersey but now in VA
Every day just writing some raps I'm chilling like a frezzer
Don't play checkers like and old gezzer
I rhyme cause its in my blood I stay cold like a BUDWISER
Like a geyser I just let out my steam in my sprays
I'm crispy like a bag of LAYS
I eat a lot of rice I need some rapping advice
I just trying to show and prove I could rhyme
I'm sometimes slipping but I ain't tripping time
Goes by fast like a corvette my spits are straight phat
In the past there were the best rap records around, drat
Like the cicadas there Barley anymore great rappers
Just as PC data slips away cause some hackers
All these fakes on T.V. are slackers
They ain't real how they get a deal?
I wish Jay-Z wasn't retiring the head CEOS should be firing chingy
I dish crazy rhymes like a waiter I kill like the TERMINATOR


Just tell me If its okay or whatever

uhh lol welcome and work on ur rhymes more aiight?


lol

you suck
 

:gfy: [QUOTE=OrientalDun]Yo gimme some feedback,

OrientalDun
Yeah I'm new and just marinatining like a steak
I don't fake like an actor I stay fresh like a COKE
I like to joke around from Jersey but now in VA
Every day just writing some raps I'm chilling like a frezzer
Don't play checkers like and old gezzer
I rhyme cause its in my blood I stay cold like a BUDWISER
Like a geyser I just let out my steam in my sprays
I'm crispy like a bag of LAYS
I eat a lot of rice I need some rapping advice
I just trying to show and prove I could rhyme
I'm sometimes slipping but I ain't tripping time
Goes by fast like a corvette my spits are straight phat
In the past there were the best rap records around, drat
Like the cicadas there Barley anymore great rappers
Just as PC data slips away cause some hackers
All these fakes on T.V. are slackers
They ain't real how they get a deal?
I wish Jay-Z wasn't retiring the head CEOS should be firing chingy
I dish crazy rhymes like a waiter I kill like the TERMINATOR


Just tell me If its okay or whatever[/QUOTE]

i think ur rhymes are wack/
and ur flow is corny/
ur mom makes me horny/

^ Someone sign this kid.

Aiiyo Triskut
 

Yeah whatever dude at least my name ain't fucking Triskut
Man Your named after a cracker, eat you like a biscut
For breakfast, ur working for Nabisco dum shit
Yeah my damn flow is fluid as Crisco dumb fool
Your spits small like you dick lick my TRISCUIT
The rhymes you spray is easy like your mom
My spits are like a bomb there exploding with rhymes my sprays tight
like a car dude yo mom is a bed, guys get on top of her, right



:thefinger

aiight take this shit to Front Lines...but welcome welcome stay active and bring heads

wow herby galore and I thought I sucked muahahahahahahhahaha :gfy: