Jack and Jill
 

Hey what's up. i wrote this in topical cyphers yesterday. my topic was what would my gf say at my eulogy if i died saving her life? i want some feedback on my style and rhymin'. Appreciate it. :thumbup:

Never thought rock climbin’ change to chalk linin’
Man, he was my superman, but this time death defied him
Our height bout a thousand, my fears were arousin’,
Main concern no longer college and off campus housin’
My rope snapped, pack fell, I yell, “M’ back kill”
Oh God I can’t dil’. Voice shrilled “Need Jack, it’s Jill!!”
He was always a hot rod, climbin’ with his Ipod
He turned, his jaw dropped, and he heard by back pop
He swung ova grabbed my hand, as if he was Tarzan,
In his eyes I saw a plan, but the rest of my rope was frayin’,
I turned said “Jack, I can’t” “Jill, Don’t lose your hope, I’m
prayin’”
And what he did from there, is why you see him now layin’

Jack always was a dreamer, he took his caribeaner,
Said “Jill, it can’t hold two, but now, I’ll just hold you”
He switched his line with mine, Oh God, why’s this his time?
As he fell, I heard no yell, my heart felt worse than hell
I tell you what I fil’, he’s my love and best friend
Can’t call his life a dead end,
So this to you my love and hero starin’ down at me from heaven

wtf rofl this was wack

its wack
 

^^speaks tha truth :thumbup: :thumbup: