still tryin upin...
 

i dont know wat to write cause i can't rap,
ill be on the next international flight cause my shit is wack,
it sounds demented like it has been rape,
cause i iz the most underrepresented mc out wat if they had it on videotape,
i swear to god i wanna just slit my wrist,
but i feel for my squad so take me off your muthafucking mailing list,
cause life is one long a never ending struggle,
this goes to all the niggaz with a bong and all the weed they smuggle

tell me if im getting worse or better please

because all you niggaz no the kurse is the wackest,
but still dont think im slow cause im am the boldest

kURSe , peace..

come on dudes write some shit back

i'm new to this but you sounded like a re made eminem. but you are bold

i tryed... still uppin please

uppin..

still fucking waiting fuck.......

.....

fuck still no responce i should just quit rapping
my sweet ensconce i should start chromosome mapping

dam dawg calm down i no ppl is fuked up but leme give u soem fedback shit, uh yo dat was a nice piece not a re made eminem but close, uh yea nice drop, hit my new shit called "Ends" , iite 1 love

^^ya that was real helpful...lol....look kurse even out your lines so there the same length this will help your structure n will look better 2..i've seen your shit your biggest problem is you punches....you need ta work on them....

2 lines=1 bar your rhymin words should be at the end of each sentence.4 beginners
your punch should be a personal diss ta your opponent...ex
if i were battlin you n said..........

i don't think you can rap,you jus a bitch at that,
im a nasty dawg n i'll eat you up like a cat,

^^this shit sucks...no punch ..nothin..oppose ta this...

peeps don't "watch" ya unless you intertwined time with your verse,
your "wraps" botched n don't hold weight like a bottomless purse,

first line..wordplay..watch refers 2 time...nobody gives your verse the time of day..(get it)
2nd line..wraps botched ...wordplay..your raps are fucked..n don't hold ground....
(ya follow)
peeps don't "watch" ya unless you intertwined time with your verse,
your "wraps" botched n don't hold weight like a bottomless purse,


now all this with internal rhymes flow well.....internals are words that line up top n bottom...........if ya like doin this ..keep doin it but id suggest checkin out the tutorials....pc.....goo'luck on elevatin...DV8

Ahh My Example Was'nt Really Personal 2 You...but It Was A Punch...

aye pimp dv8 told u a lil sumthin and u shuld pay attention to him cuz no offense but i dont really know why u even tryin to rap its almost a joke but anybody can get better.