MagiC vs Fluidmoon
 

Topical Battle,,.. Topic Suicide

20 - UNLIMITED Lines
No Crew Votes
No Recycling
No Biting

Standard house rules,,...


1~

Minimum posts to vote: 20

Check in by: 08-15-04 at 05:44 PM

Must drop verse in 4320 minutes after check in.

MagiC has ACCEPTED this battle on 08-12-04 05:49 PM.

fluidmoon has ACCEPTED this battle on 08-12-04 05:59 PM.

Look down on busy streets form my balcony, thinking about life
Trying to go cold turkey but I miss the toxins more then my wife

I need the drugs to ease the pain of my childhood, beaten as a boy
My step dad hated me,, he invaded our lives like the horse at Troy

Fuck him anyway I’m going to be a real man and finish what he started
I’m going to end this fucked up life,,,, sorry but that bastards retarded

I have nightmares of the repeated beatings,,, waking up in hot sweats
Slitting my wrists twice in a year, I’m destined to die with no regreats

He touched me,,.. invaded me in ways a father shouldn’t touch a son
I feel dirty, Can never love, Can never trust, Born to death like a gun

My emotions are Damaged, Mentally Tarnished, Physically Punished
I see no end, my life’s been a joke since it started, I wish I just vanished


I’m doing this tonight,, my plight can’t be resolved,,, so I see no end in sight
Turn out the light, thinking of ways to end my fight, hanging myself out of spite

I cheated on my wife, she tried to love me, in the end hates me, I have sinned
I’m back on the balcony contemplating a jump,, teary eyed due to the wind

I hate you all!! Nobody really cared this is my mothers only fear
Her only son dieing before her,,.. But to be honest I don’t care

Knife pulled from my pocket, slit both my wrists and my Achilles tendons
Blood pouring out my body, drained of life holding my holly pendent

Had to take my last look at the world before I become an entity
Empty of life, body functions starting to fail, now I got eternity

Feeling cold,,, my heart beat is starting to fade,,,, it’s time to depart
My life flashing before my eyes, But to me it’s just about to start

Narrator: Two Years after Allans Death, His father enters a room, His father opens up a desk drawer and finds a journal and sits down to read.

Journal Entry August 14th 2002

I got my report card today, It showed a point drop in my GPA
Feelin anxious and scared what my parents going to say?
See if they could only understand their pressure makes me fail
Can't Focus in School- In tests I sweat shake and bite my nails
"You Have to be successful, You have to be Number One"
My father drills words in my head, But I'm 19 I want to have fun
I'm feeling hopeless and along, trying to full-fill someone elses dream
Screamin at myself on the inside, Help is what I really need
I don't have many friends and I no longer have the energy
My father tries to help but we fight more like enemies
I can't take this life anymore, my heads swelled with desparagement
I can't manage- My dad and my classes are just too much to handle-it
I hear my parents arguin about me- Why can't they be proud or happy?
It's like a cloud of darkness in my head and heart has grabbed-me
This is too much of a hassle, I really just need to leave
Take walk go to the bar get myself a couple beers and breathe

Allans Journal Entry- August 15th 2004

It's two years later I just read your last entry
I had no Idea how you felt-- Why didn't you tell me?
I was trying to be supportive, supply the push a father gives
I had no idea my words would be the ones that pushed you off that bridge
You were my only child- Understand I didn't want to see you fail
Both your mother and I are shattered- She doesn't eat her face is pail
If I saw an end to this madness I'd do it. Or at least I'd Try-
But instead your mother will just lose us both to Suicide

Only you'll see this-- but lol, I had to write that twice in the last twenty minutes because my computer shut down on me--- so you better show

Voted For: fluidmoon

fluid i was feelin' that , crazy man that is raw as hell , its funny felt a connection i saw what was goin on in my head the structure was raw to , magic go more in depth i read yours and didnt get as much from it as i got from fluid moon's

end this he is a biter http://community.rapverse.com/showb...ad.php?t=142418

turban

This was feedback posted for fluidmoon
 

good shit

uppin............................................. ....

Voted For: MagiC

i liked Magic's verse more. It had more detail and seemed more real to me. fluid moon was just pressured about his grades in his verse. magic had many more problems. it seemed more realistic and i liked magic's better. but fluidmoon's was just as good. just needs more.... problems. especially for a topic like this.

vote- Magic

Voted For: fluidmoon

it seems kinda weird to vote on who's better at textual suicide but i think fluid's was more original n powerful the other one was just kinda gorey but fluids flowed better n seemed more in depth
holla at me
http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=136344

Thanks for the votes up~ing #1

apppreciate the votes upping.....................1

This was feedback posted for fluidmoon
 

good shit both.....................................1

uppin this dope topical right here.....................1