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-   -   my transtions (http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=142601)

TURBAN 08-15-04 02:53 PM

my transtions
 
A scream opens your mouth wide
This is about to subside
Creative intellectual I hit two versus
Just another mission
Strung up as I swing down best intentions
Change the changed, don’t worry I wont listen
And as the revival comes breath to the lungs hold it for the intermission
As the remission comes we all know what’s going to be happening
Your gonna be filled, the tensions will build
But the interventions will save you
In relation to what you said you had to do It was tried and true
But revoke the religions before the pigeons
Get on them expeditions; I keep it simple as addition Something likes a magician
My recent acquisitions Will lead to better family traditions
Maybe I’ll end up a physician Or maybe a technician
These are my transitions



:shoot: :shoot:


turban

BrOTheRP.A.R.A. 08-15-04 05:53 PM

um yer wack buddy
flow 4/10
vocab 2/10
storyline 1/10 you keep changing wha tyer trying to say wack shit

TURBAN 08-15-04 06:38 PM

ha its all good i'm workin on it gimmie a week to get this shit straight

fluidmoon 08-16-04 06:36 PM

yo, i really liked this, it would be great to a soft beat, spoken word type poem, nice, descriptive words and imagery in this piece, my favorite were these:
'Change the changed, don’t worry I wont listen
And as the revival comes breath to the lungs hold it for the intermission
As the remission comes we all know what’s going to be happening
Your gonna be filled, the tensions will build
But the interventions will save you"
Very well said, keep it up...............

TURBAN 08-16-04 06:39 PM

thanks look at my "face the lord" and what crew u in? anyway i could get in?


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