My dreams of being high
 

i thought about the title My dreams of being high when i was sober and wanted to get high and then i wrote this little poem while i was finally high.

high till i die
smoke till i choke
off this artichoke
mastery of my sword
smoke turns into chronic
im getting high, off this, bubonic
plague, spread, into tonic, mix with gin
and you get gin & tonic
im running like supersonic
across the huked on phonic nation
with my sword i'm a do my masturbation
with my sword i'm a destroy the nation
with my sword i'm a cut your ration
with my sword
with my sword
GOOoOooOOooOOoOoOoOooooOOoD
im a spit this into the mix
im a spit, this into the mix
i'll fucking break you off like a twix
make you moan till you groan
now your life force is dead
now your giving me head
now your
now your fucking me dead
on top of my bed
till my sperm turns red
now youve been fucked
right before i ran amuck
and gave your life force a nip/tuck
cause everyone needs a little make up
schwing schwing
i just light the tip
and then get cash on my lip
damn sometimes my dick gets stiffed
and sometimes my life force gets ripped
damn i'm feelin lonely
:laugh2: :shoot: :laugh2:

WORK ON YOUR STRUCTURE,,,of course we're all told that one,,
Any way you got the heart which is half the battle,,,
so keep dropping them bombs,,,I want diss you,,,but incourage you to continue your quest on being the best,,,,God bless all....1

lol that was wack haha work on everything you made lol flow storyline vocab

my $.02
 

i know you said you wrote this when you were high... do you go back and read it when you're not high.. and if so, do what do you think of it? Because honestly, I didn't really understand it, nor think it was too good. I think you have potential, but need to put more effort into it (i know when u high, u prolly just fuckin' around).. you rhymed chock with artichock.. and nation with masturbation with nation again.. i KNOW u can be more creative with your rhyming words than that..

i like that you show much emotion.. which is good.. but maybe you could tell us a story... like how u felt when u wanted to be high but couldn't... how u went about finally getting ur stash.. and how u felt afterwards.. u know? that woulda been interesting (to me, at least). anyways.. good job, keep it up. just put more effort into it. ~Osk