faded away
why u have gone do that to me
im the one who gave every thing u want now u treated me like u savin a dalla like albersons sometimes i just dont see to remember u no more like u tore me heart apart when i thought id got u to have a kiss but u told me i had to be dissmissed ever since u left me i could finally see now when im not with u my memory wit me and u is all fuzzy and like it just fade away |
reminds me of this blues song by ray charles, but its good , i think you should write a lil more , keep expand'n on that , cuz when iw as readin it i thought u could get more words and what not from it but its a tyte drop i liked it
keep em com'n check out my shit peace |
ay thx for the props and all and ill keep in mind of that
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hmm... there's a lot of room to grow here... i see ya had a little heartache... go more in depth with it.... use more words to describe ya emotions... structure ya sentences better... it should read like a painting; telling us visually what's going on as well as by ear... with some practice you will be a better writer... it takes time... don't rush ya drops... it ain't a battle... do what ya gotta do to get every point that you wanna get across to the reader out there... if ya gotta change a line then do that... do not settle for second best... go all out....one
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ay thx hella much now i now wht ya talkin bout so ill try to think of but should i do one for a suspence one??>>>....................
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Ill-Grammatix ay theres an openin just for u in ABB (All Bout dem Benjamens) so u in?...
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uppin
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this was wack
it was to short,choppy lines,u were going off topic,this wasnt a great poem... the only thing that was good was the title of the poem lol i suggest you read other vets poems thanx |
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