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ILLegitimate vs DrasticMeasureZ
Battle Rules:
Topical battle: topic: topic: kid gets bullied and takes out his rage.... 10 - 20 Lines No Crew Votes No Recycling No Biting Minimum posts to vote: 20 Check in by: 09-08-04 at 05:11 PM Must drop verse in 4320 minutes after check in. |
ILLegitimate has ACCEPTED this battle on 09-08-04 04:42 PM.
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DrasticMeasureZ has ACCEPTED this battle on 09-08-04 04:56 PM.
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Topic: kids getting bullied, so he takes his rage out on….o Everyday this happens to Jonny, he gets teased, beat up, and robbed His mom asked him what’s wrong but couldn’t depict it through all the sobss rThis happened through his years, everyone in the school was participating And slowly and slowly all of Jonnys friends were dissipating So now hes in high school, hes a freshman, and we all know what goes down The seniors begin hazing, as they all pass him around Jonnys so angry, he cant take it any longer And everyday this stuff happens, his anger grows stronger and stronger So he listens to shady records, and feels almost identical Except Jonny is so embarrassed, hes even ashamed of his Cynical Hes almost Delirious enough to take his own life away But instead decides to take everyone elses so he can stay and play The only person thats gonna be left alive is Jonnys best friend *Danny* told him hed never leave him, hed be with him till the end Jonnys on the bus now, the gun in his book bag The guys on the bus taunt him, pointing to his seat sayin "look… Fag"r So he busts it out right then and just starts yellin and screamin Now hes got his revenge and hes joyous about it hes gleaming -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Suddenly someone spoke, Jonny let loose, the bus was filled He got the kid in the gut, *right through him*, and Danny was killed |
rThis happened through his years, everyone in the school was participating
sorry aobut hte "r" The guys on the bus taunt him, pointing to his seat sayin "look… Fag"r sorry about hte extra "r" Topic: kids getting bullied, so he takes his rage out on….o sorry about the extra "o" ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Cynical" is your sur name or you family name "dissipating" is liek disappearing, so his friends are slowly fading away |
*Theme*
sitting on my bed, writing in my diary, "iam tired of being bullied!" as my tears hits da paper like my soul is being takin out and da devil is in me,"tomorrow its going to be over everyone will stop laughin at me" (growls) i will make everyone pay! (while he's holding an gun in his hand) Intro_ *wakes up the next morning* saying to myself todays da day (snickers) (PUTS DA 38. IN MY WAIST) *on the bus looking out da window thinking and saying myself this* I'm tired of being bullied being push and called names// iam going to send pain with no envy dont worry not everyone will die i have list of names//(2) I always i thought i was in god hands? but i c i aint, i guess god laugh so hard dat he had to use his hands to wipe da tears off his eyez//(3) Like da song survivor no one surviving my death threats,nor my bullets everyone who'z on da list_WILL_ recieve DEATH!// I am letting my rage out todat i aint playing, parents tears going to be like rain, ha todays is soul taking DAY//(5) And hell with da play bang bang ur dead people didnt get da message oh well dere lives is about to be taken anyway//(6) *gets off da bus* *birds chriping* *bell rangs* bully:hey bitch do u know what day it is me: leave me alone bully:todays is trash day,time to take out da trash me:dont u dare touch me! bully:whoa! kid u got backbone now lol *picks me up and dumbs me in da trash can* me:grrrrr reaches in my bookbag and pull da gun out *shoots in da air* bully:ahhhhhh (runs) As iam walkin down the hall i see people screaming i got da 38. on my hands i'll pop an bullet whoeva stops me//(7) In my head its fill with bad memories through whole school year my heart black as coal My rage is fill with hatred now iam unleashing it// (pop pop pop) *ha ha ha die foolz*(8) Walking through da hallways people screaming,people bleeding,before da hallways was clean now its all messy people dead o i got one call dis da hallways of death//(9) Da bully runs in an class room (stupid motherfucker) no way out he gets on his kneez sayin "plz dont kill me"//(10) LOOK into my eyez! he looked, now asked yoself do u see sunshine any light no its full of darkness cause u messed up my life!(11) I point da gun at his head "do u have any last wishes" he said what will u see yo self in da next couple of days//(12) I said "ha no where prop in jail but i dont care me killing u its like a son wont shear tears for an mother who decieved u//(13) O u thought i was done (snickers) I'd took ova da school people lived but 90%of dem are dead//(14) as i walked through da hallways valley of death i told my self today is an good day//(15) i went to da kitchen (cafteria) and turn on the stove and put bodys on top of dem so it felt like dey where burning in hell//(16) i added liquid grease, so da school started burning den i told myt self dis looks swell (snickers)(17) Den i went home early my mom was there she asked me did u had an good day//(18) i told her yes mom i had really good day but the other people werent havin an good day yo dis my 1st topical battle so g-luck to me and u too illegitimate dayum my lines are stretch ~peace~ |
I said "ha no where prop in jail but i dont care me killing u its like a son wont shear tears for an mother who decieved u//(13) (pop) (brain on da wall and i wrote jackal now i turned into mr.HYDE) damn scary is it
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alright lets get some votes on this.............
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Voted For: ILLegitimate
Nice battle but I gotta give this to ILL. I liked da story he dropped and the structure he used. Nice vocab and it had a nice ending to it. Drastics joint was abit to long and I didn't really like da structure he was using. Nice way to stick to da topic though. Both verses were hot but ILL got this from structure and flow. |
Voted For: ILLegitimate
ILL gets my vote on this peice hea...nice versus to both MC's... ILL - You did nice your emotion on tha kid n shit was nice...and flow was on point...all the way also the depth of it was nicely put..........7.7/10 Drastic - Should've tried a little harder on your topic verse...tha structure on tha piece lack'd..(u should've center'd it up)..tha emotion on yo shit was okay..and tha flow fell a little tho...5.7/10 |
Voted For: ILLegitimate
well im not a topical grader, but i personally liked ills better. no disrespect to ya DM, but your skills lie in battlin. i dont really kno how to grade, i guess rhyme scheme is ill, length is DM, story is DM, irony goes to ill. v/ ill. peace |
Voted For: ILLegitimate
Damn this 1 of tha best battlez ive seen on rv Ima give this one to Ill Your shyt was pretty tight n Drastic i wasnt feelin yourz This happened through his years, everyone in the school was participating And slowly and slowly all of Jonnys friends were dissipating This one iz tha one i liked i would give it a 8/10 This shyt really happenz in life but Drastic iz one that could be seen in moviez Both ya flowz was iight n i could understand more of Ill'z topic |
Voted For: ILLegitimate
Vote:Illegitimate Lyrics: Ill Multies: neither Wordplay:Dratic Coverage of topic: Ill Flow: Ill Structure: Drastic Overall: Ill |
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