Lord help me
 

lord help me
i need you once again
i need u to take da pain and suffering
take it all away from me
by giving me what i want
or takin my life away
lord i need this girl back in my life
i love her so much
she doesn't feel the same
damn i wish she could
it would help ease the pain
it would all be gone once again
i could live my life normally
cuz i could have that girl by my side
but i doubt it happens eva again
and i don't know if i can go on
lord please help make this pain end

feedback please

quit sleepin on dis...uppin

feedback plz

damn would yall plz stop sleepin on dis...feedback...leave a link n i'll return da favor

yo, u started nice, I dont kno if this was a true story, and I understand you puttin this in text form but if you rollin like "lord help me
i need you once again" you dont roll into "damn this shit sucks" cuz it jus throws off ya whole vibe.

thanks fa da feed...went back n edited it...i like it better now...peace 1..uppin

kk, thnx for takin the constructive criticism, a lot of peeps get mad at that, but nice job and put up ya new edited one sometime, I'd like to read it. HOLLA!

Played material. You gotta take a subject like this and make it your own. Now I know you prolly had a lot of emotion behind this piece, but that's not what makes a good poem. If you channel that emotion into a creative idea with origionality then you'll have something. No offense but this peice prolly looks like something you could find in the shoebox of every teen that has lost a love...

Elevate man.

i sort of agree with eclipsik, i think you could have used more creative vocab to draw people into it more, but it was good, just a little plain, but keep it up yo, and take this feedback for what it is, and keep doin ya thing

ay thanks fa da feedback...i'll take dat in next time i write...uppin...peace 1

uppin

MATERIAL IS PLAYED....poem wasnt long enough either there was more you coud've added but failed to do that,the imagery was quite weak...as was the emotion to this.....although the thought was good the piece wasn't


elevate dude

no hate

one