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(Darkness)Sir-Victimizer first drop(Needs Feedback)

Enter tha darkness, tha nightmares have started''
Every carcus is mobile and I'm tha target''
A land without light, yet I live in tha shadows''
Branded by light, tha assylum is my castle''
Loosing sanity every secon..there's no brackets''
To stay within as I capture evil, my soul blackens''
Searchin for magic in this land that I'm lost in''
Never pausing, enterin gateways made by couphins''
They are after me most follow with witch craftery''
My hearts contaminated to follow tha black magics heat''
Of tha afterlife..destroying tha dead tha past tha time''
And trap tha light to bring my dark soul back to life''
The voodoo that I use in time helps me loose my mind''
Entering rooms where my guys have been crucified''
I choose to fight..following tha rules of night''
Which are kill or be killed by ghouls inside''
These rooms I find so I attack endlessly''
Searchin for enemies in this palace of death and misery''
Then defeat tha living dead in a killin spree''
Extensively I send them heat through their extremeties''
Tha prophecy stops with me..one whose within tha team''
Of life's side and their right I'm tha only remedy.......''

This is my chorus................
Death Eventually Follows.....Necks eventually hollow''
Clutchin ya chest with ya last breath emptying swallow''

okay, okay
thats ya first drop?

real nice for ya first peice...
good vocab, dope wordplay an complex rhyme scheme...
keep em comin playa

7/10

return the feed on my open mics

Thanx uppin for more feedback

good shit for ya first drop, nice wordplay, good scheme, i'm feeling the hook, we gonna have to collab sometime

Thanx man I make sure to do a collabo with cha.......

^fuckin dope sigs and yer song was aight 6.8/10 i give it almost a 7 good for a newb i say lol check out my open mic peer pressure the links in my sig if you cant find it peace

Uppin.....this shit........

Decent Drop Good Vocab Structure Was Good Nice Shit

Thanx man............................