RapVerse.com Community - tryin to get into this rap thing

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tryin to get into this rap thing

listen unlike most of ya tricks i spit mah rhymez quick to the tip
i get on the mic and let spits rip you from head to toe like jay-z
i be gettin mo, mo money mo cash mo hoes the only thing
you be gettin is bullet holes commin from mah semi-automatic
spray and close range wit mah 12 gage---trying to touch mah flow
is impossible im a lyrical sage filled wit rage ready to cut loose
im goin threw my lyrical stage livin in my lyrical sanctum
readin the book in mah head page by page i dont smoke
but still by skill i always blaze-----

1st flow ever so let me know wat u think and how i could improve
also sorry if i broke any rulz or anything

1

not every one does this but this is what i would say to do, seperate ure bars, example,

i like to keep my shit flowin from coast to coast
they call me numba 1 the mc wit the most

if u wanna go to war dog we can do that
prolly bring a gun or maybe a ball bat

jus a quick example, it jus makes shit easier to read and everything, good luck pimpin AND DONT LET THE HATERS GET TO U, theres mad shit talkers on here, jus do ure thing peace

Quote:

Originally Posted by CommonGrounds

listen unlike most of ya tricks i spit mah rhymez quick to the tip
i get on the mic and let spits rip
the first line would be ok if the second line was a punchline but the second line was terrible...you cant have two filler lines in a row...
you from head to toe like jay-z
i be gettin mo, mo money mo cash mo hoes
the only thing you be gettin is bullet holes
i rearranged this for you how i thought you wanted it to ehyme...always put your rhyming words at the end and work on making your lines roughly equal in length...this is really bad...first of all mo money/cash/hoes is played to death...dont say it ever....gun talk is also played to death...some people still use it on here but not many vets do...also stopping abruptly in the middle of a sentence just because it rhymes is a no-no...finish your thought....
commin from mah semi-automatic spray
and close range wit mah 12 gage---
trying to touch mah flow is impossible im a lyrical sage
filled wit rage ready to cut loose im goin threw my lyrical stage
again with the gun talk...the last two lines were the best from this peice...filled with rage is a forced rhyme which you should have left out...work on making your rhymes sound natural...as if its a story you are telling your friend and it just happens to rhyme....
livin in my lyrical sanctum readin the book in mah head page by page
i dont smoke but still by skill i always blaze-----
first line very stretched...second line is a played conept but its ok...youre new...it will come to you...work on having very good flow and rhyming and after you have the basics then add in your intellect and it will fit nicely...you learn arithmetic before algebra...structure and flow is arithmetic...creativity and wordplay is the algebra....
1

it wasnt terrible for a first try but far from good...the good news is that you have all the time you need to elevate and get good...read the tutorials they will help you a lot...and the best way to get better is to battle so go for it...