"A Courtesy Of God"

*youth ( a new father )

growing up broken hearted, ignored like a seventh daughter.
moving the homestead again, this marks my eleventh father.
our finance was like cheap electronincs, it worked good then it broke.
this next place we getting is trash, compared to the hood its a joke.
like i gots my foot in a spoke, has my flesh bruising in wound.
wants her heart filled with purpose, so mamas choosing a groom.
pep talk telling me our familys a dish. Ha, some kinda destiny.
well i guess shes immune to the fact she just added shit to the recipe.

im reaping half what i sew. not knowing a father figure.
say im nothin special, but i know future's storing something bigger.
think ya know my life, well then ya know why ill pull the trigger.
how am i suppose to turn out a success, when im growing up bitter?


*late teenage years ( reprocutions )

authority was never a prime, must've seen ya cant handle me.
school was a breeze, even though graduation isnt routine in this family.
ya dont know the fear ive seen, ya cant cope where im from.
i was treated like a pet, open my mouth n its like ive spoken for fun.
they dont care for my opinion, or what blessing i give.
siblings like rivals, land punches like their testing my ribs.
the best things were cigs, cause they had to step out to smoke.
or else grams lungs would fail, n to death grams would choke.
pregnancy came, and the only father it had was a distant brother.
how am i suppose to nurse her, when im an infant mother?

im reaping half what i sew. not knowing a father figure.
say im nothin special, but i know future's storing something bigger.
think ya know my life, well then ya know why ill pull the trigger.
how am i suppose to turn out a success, when im growing up bitter?


*my daughters growth ( a new horizon )

a decade after the delivery, i still couldnt shake the thickness.
just as my baby grew, so did the rate of sickness.
not a flou or petty cold, the kinda ill that kills internal.
i sway the brink of suicide, but stop knowing im still the ferdal.
im a life line, an answer to a call for hope and breath.
ive tried to distill my soul, and thank God is wont arrest.
illness still apon my mind, brought me to her 16th birthday.
my thoughts giving me painful exists, n my wrist think worse ways.
i sing a daily prayer, for a heavenly hand to burden me with odds.
yet for hope, cause my baby is my first and only courtesy of God.