fluidmoon vs shadow
 

Battle Rules:
TOPIC~"THE EDGE"
20- UNLIMITED Lines
Crew Votes Accepted...we both in A.I...
No Recycling
No biting
No D/R
GOOD LUCK :thumbup:
Drop by saturday,12:00pm eastern time

Minimum posts to vote: 200

Check in by: 09-28-04 at 12:46 AM

Must drop verse in 7200 minutes after check in.

fluidmoon has ACCEPTED this battle on 09-27-04 09:47 PM.

shadow has ACCEPTED this battle on 09-27-04 09:53 PM.

A schizophrenic story.....


Mind Check................

Teetering on the brink of split minds,my Grandma stuck in her own reality....
Since when she was young,her life was far from what some could call a normality....
But her own mentality, was filled with callings,voices from inside her mind........
So intense she would act on them,not knowing if these plots were a crime..........

Verification Of A Problem.........

Our family was about to embark on a vacation one year, i think i was ten.........
We asked her to watch the hamsters,care for and feed them, and the cycle would soon begin...
Upon our return, my sister and i found the precious creatures drowned.......
Grandma had put cereal and milk in the cage,the raisins they tried to get down....
Horrified, we screamed,it was no use,in her mind she didn't do anything wrong........
In her eyes it was true,but soon we'd find that in this family, someone didn't belong...
Or did she?hmmm, my life would never be the same,her heavy nonstop giggling got to me.........
She would laugh at the strangest things,like fires,crashes, and babies.........
You name it, she was crazy, to us,but we loved it,because this was family.............
Who knew that sticking bologne,cheese, and other coldcuts to the walls would be so funny...
From an old lady, who lived off eating butter with every meal..
She even claimed there was a man in her room, who spoke in tongues..........
Probably was in her mind, it was fun,but sensed the fear of it all.......
Her brain let her fall,the rituals she had,because she was told too...
From inside herself, these requests came, her thoughts was all she had to pull her thru.....
None of us understood her behaviour,how could we?,her mind worked differently...
For it wasn't her acting, it was the voices, directing her so critically..........
Could not control the voices or actions, she began to fall slowly........
My grandma, the only woman i ever met, who was afraid of herself and the limits of her personal ledge....
But the mind is a powerful tool,yet so cruel, that can fool, and pushed her OVER THE EDGE................................

Voted For: shadow

Ok vote goes to Shadow.

Basically, Rhymewise, Fluids verse was verrrrry stretched. It had some decent emotion in it, but it finished pretty weak.. There was really no conclusion to it except to push the same fact that she was crazy. Shadow had better emotion and some really good poetic connections. The words used in it had much better imagry instead of simply telling a story.

That is why my vote has to go to shadow. Peace.

yes, i know lines were stretched,,,lol, but it shouldnt matter, its not a text battle, its a topical.....anyways..uppin

Voted For: shadow

None of us understood her behaviour,how could we?,her mind worked differently...
For it wasn't her acting, it was the voices, directing her so critically..........
^oh my goodness............. that was deep my goodness, nice imagery the part with the hamsters was so specific and worded perfectly, it's like i can see every single thing u mentioned.... very nice........... i dunno what to say.. nice job fluid very touchin'....

shadow- i read urs last, dayum ya story's very, very specific and yet delicate, it's like a movie or sumthin', i like the different transitions within your topical..... the point of views were connective to the audience in other words sumthin' many of us could relate to, you best portion was the end..
+ insanity takes over+
i walk to the man..hit him in his face he hits the hard ground..
i slap his wife..and take her to the sea to let her ass drown..
cant contol my self im on the edge only god himself new my fate..
sit on the park bench as my suicide is what i contemplate...
im on the edge..i no longer wanna live my pothetic damn life...
sirens roar police suround the parkas i put up a fight..
i grab a kid away from his parents and use him as my hostage...
with all intentions of dying and producing total carnage...
the cops moved in closer i snap the kids neck and he drifts to heaven..
and now im sad i took it out on him..he was only fuckin eleven..
+the closure+
on death row walkin the greenmile ready for my execution...
killing those people did no good and brought me no resolutuion..
im strapped in the minister walks away..and says go to hell bastard..
im definitly on the edge now..becuz god is too whom ill answer..

^very nice, you seem to connect better with ur verse but in general for the topic, u both did an excellent verse...... good luck you two, A.I. topical heads........ :)
~wun~ shadow- u took this one, fluidmoon- u did very well..

thanks uppin for votes..nice job fluid

shadow, you know you my boi,you dropped a dope verse man, uppin

Voted For: shadow

hmmm real close battle.. but shadow took this one.. FLUID ur verse was hard to read... u should make ur font smaller so it all fits on one line.. i liked shadows storyline a little bit better.. both had about the same amount of emotion im just feeling shadows a little bit more..

thanks for honest votes...uppin..and fluid u know u my girl lol

uppin this dope topical.............................1

up like a plane..haha two more votes so this plane can land