Lyfes All around Scars
 

Im livin lyfe by duh minute, and the future by my name.
duh shit ppl have seen is insane/ and then u look back
and theres no one to blame/ ppl juss gettin money and
tryin tuh live up fame. I contemplate dat death gotta be e-z
cus lyfe is hard, it leaves you physically, mentally, and
emontionally scarred. Associates think its right to be
thrown behind duh bars/ even tho it doesnt bring you far.
Juss keep yo head up and your mind alarmed. All you can
do when yo families been harmed is stay straight and appretiate
everything youve been able to live for.
Im up in heaving lookin down on the sins i desend,
lookin back on dat one friend/ dat stayed true till duh end.
Never let anythang bend, didnt eva let muh lyfe condemn.
Ive achieved and recieved, given -n- gotten, but gods never
let me been forgoten. Everyone else juss kept on walkin/
knocking up hoods, and stayed straight blockin.
I dont only see god judging me, because i see clear.
But i keep muh head up and fight against muh fear.
So when shit gets tuff juss steer and let yo mind erase,
and let that one tear fall down upon yo face and let yo
mind escape.

..shAii.. :thumbup:

this wasnt to bad at all. you had some nice rhyme's in it.. but try to structure your shit better. seen az it's a text peice it has to be easy to read.so at the end of each line press the "enter" key.so everytime you start a new line you are below the previuos 1.
Also using 50 cent's rhyme's wont get you any respect.
..........
I contemplate dat death gotta be e-z
cus lyfe is hard, it leaves you physically, mentally, and
emontionally scarred..
I dont only see god judging me, because i see clear...
..from many men...

but yeah structure it better and keep elevating and you will have a nice peice....keep this shit coming.........pz

aiight shaii this was aiight it did have sum rhymez, but the structure is a bit over the place, try and break it down into linez or bars whicheva is easier for u to work with.
but overall this was a good peice and i thought it had alot of heart and u have alot of patentiol u just need to im prove ur structure and a bit more ryhming.

thanx for your prespectives!
Still uppin................for more feedback plz

i don't want to keep repeating what everyone else said..but that's really all that wrong with this..a lil basic but vocab never counted too much with me..that opening line caught me for some reason though..good job

return the favor
Sage-How to Breathe through the Disease

yea i was bout to say jus what @ said...it was all good cept usin 50s lines whats up wit that?

Thanx for your feedback, ill be shir to correct muh shit.
50'z lynes juss came up and i put dem in there to go off of. I didnt really think bout dat. Thanks Doe.
______________
PaYyCe

........uppin fo more feedback plz

dayumm... still uppin PlEaSe!