Yo check this out please!
 

:banghead: i hop this time youll like it :banghead:

its dramatic seing tragic accidents caused by lighted match and a can of gas,
no place after no cash ya have to live like trash,
what ya do?sit on your ass and wait till the last minutes collapse,
and then perhaps,no mather in fact,youll never come back,
ya family kinda evil kicking you out kuz of some kinda trouble,
ya like nobody your like the man in the bubble its afful,
ya lost ya life and never will have it again,
even if you try to get it back its only some fictions,
each time to be in a crew i try my best to put subliminal rhymes,
but it aint fine cuz i fall on my knees and wanna cry but atleas i try,
im in this open mic shit but now i feel like i wanna quit,
Bad lyrics cuz i write them down to quick,its making me sick!

just need some feedback and i know its my third time trying on open mic but i need some advice

''X-Spitty''

this wasnt to bad. You had a solid subject in it. Some ok rhyme's.
you need to work on your spelling,try keep your line's even syllable's this will help with your flow. Dont stretch to many of your line's.near the end you sort of died out. Try writing off the net. then spend some time to edit thru it and add punctuation, check spelling. change rhyme's if they need to be change. this is and open mic so i doesnt have to be just keyed out.you can take time to work on it and change thing's.............keep droping and elevating..........pz

thanks man thats why i needed....need more feedback please

That was nice I was feelin the opening few barz but you kinda lots it at the
end that was good shit man keep writing...