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-   -   "Thats Life" (http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=153297)

iamthatdude87 10-04-04 03:44 AM

"Thats Life"
 
On May twenty second...nine-teen eighty-seven
i was born...but i wasnt born wit a happy endin'
i wish i was in heaven..with jesus..you better believe this
then people wouldn't start beef with me, cuz im next to jesus
that would be genuis...but life isnt fair to sum people
its like we puppets... dangling over a religous Steeple
free the people......
cuz we dont like being tied up like we was a monsterous beast
we have no rights...fuck the bill...we know... we wont ever get released
id rather be deceased ...then live wit my fucked up life
no dad, no nothing ...he died in a car crash wit his present wife
which is my mom...thats all i ever knew thats the one who brought me up
we went through the tough times..i heard the death chimes..but she never gave up
but times change and people get older and colder till they hit there last breath
i feel kinda sad for them...i wish no person would have to cope with death
but thats life....... and people know life must progress
but if it happens to regress...we fucked..we'll always be the damsle in distress
its hard to express your feelings but it needs to be done
you have to let people know escpically your loved ones
cuz if u dont you'll never be heard
then you'll live a life like me and u never had to say one word



Yup my Poetic Debut.....wutchu think....leave Feedback.....

Valor 10-04-04 03:54 AM

hmmm
interesting for this being your first time id say it is half decent man,your imagery was there,u had some emotion in this...not bad and for this being your first time in all you did an okay job putting your poem into details.....hmmm but there is still alot to learn in this poetic game man...


things you must work on....put a little more emotions into ur pieces...and a tat bit more of imagery into ur work...overall thats itt man

keep practicing

decent job

King Solo 10-04-04 05:49 AM

^^^ yo i agree

for a first time poetry drop it was good. u got all the rewuirements for it to be gud, emotion and feeling in it. u got it into detail like VALOr said, and basically all u need is a little more of the emotion and feeling. I enjoyed the poem. VALOR basically said it the best, and all i can do is agree wit him. Keep the poetry comin ECKO!!!!

Terumoto 10-04-04 06:18 AM

^good shit.. i was feelin it.. Ya had some nice images in there.. To me it seemed more like a rap verse than a poetry verse.. but it was your first time.. keep it up..

one

iamthatdude87 10-04-04 07:16 AM

more feedback please.....thanks people

iamthatdude87 10-04-04 07:02 PM

uppin.........................

kRuCiAl 10-04-04 09:57 PM

yo if tha wuz ur firstpoem yo than u gonna be a good ass poet.......yo u got raw talent and its arredy somewhat developed.......thas a good drop yo......i kina feel u on sum the shit u wrote yo ........nice emotionl illustrations u put in there........its pretty good for ur first poem......yo stay up mayn nice drop.......

iamthatdude87 10-04-04 11:40 PM

thanks for the feed.....upping for more feedback


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