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These eyes
These Eyes Seeing through these eyes, a bold disgise hidden behind trechorous lies.. An old man confides deep secrets to the mind of a child before he dies.. Seeing through these eyes, feelings of resentment and constant discontent.. A young figure, raped of innocents, dead, being chalked out on cement.. Seeing through these eyes, exausted, still stressed living life like a forfit.. A poor orphan, cast out, remaining proud, with a need to move forward.. Seeing through these eyes, with feelings of neglection & disrespect.. A homeless mans home condemned, & un-planned inspections thats incorrect.. Generating perspective, Many unknown struggles, hardships in peoples lives.. But were too caught up in our own eyes, to walk in another pair of shoes, On another mans miles.. |
^Something quick I wrote while waiting for OMB to drop his topical.. :cussing:
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wow, i really enjoyed reading this,i dont think i've had the chance to read any of your stuff, but i'm glad i got to read this...you had great vocabulary and the ability to keep the rhymes flowing the whole way thru, nice imagery in your words as well, touching content too, this has a good point to it, and this poem shows your strong style, i liked that you kept the title in this piece throughout it, there is truth to this poem and a great message, keep em coming....1
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Thanks for the feedback.. Though I doubt Ill keep em comming too often.. I only really did this because I was bored and had a bit of time to spare.
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Yeah i really liked dis poem your rhymin was good it wasnt to simple keep doin your thing playa
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nice shit.....like fluid moon sed u got gud vocab to keep ur peice flowing till the end....stay up and keep droppin one
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it was good i liked it
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this shit was pretty cool-- good flow... nothing standout but a nice excerisize in rhymin... lookin like a mini open mic/poetic scriptures hybrid... :)
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nice work here, pretty good stuff
you had everything working for you mechanically speaking flow, voacb, etc...content wise not bad either;i think you could have benifitted from a bit more depth but none the less it was still good and the point definitely came across props man |
Thanks bro.. Means more comming from someone I respect as a good Poet.
And yeah, I did finish it off quickly instead of continuing with more scenarios, but that was more a time issue, or lack of it.. Thanks for the feedback people. |
Very good. Very nice meaning;very deep. Excellent flow. Decent vocab. Keep writing; you're excellent.
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