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-   -   *Darkness* (http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=155180)

Critic 10-14-04 03:32 PM

*Darkness*
 
Ascending voices echo like a whale’s song in rhyme
I’m trapped inner mind, a capsule that’s lost in time
I don’t know why this void confronts me to this end
But I pretend to continue with life in order for a mend
Send angels for me I can’t live in this darkness anymore
Before I was free with aspirations now locked behind a door
A sore on my family’s branch, the bark of my existence
I wish I was dead, doctor ignore my family’s persistence
Your resistance to let me go has prolonged my agony further
Imagine me in heaven looking down on you with our holy father
You think that I live but realistically you’re just preserving me
Free me from this body you can remember me how I use to be

Please awake,.. It’s been two years, I know you can hear this
Can you feel me twist your wrist, please get out of this abyss
Your missed, mum wants you to come home when this is over
Let me fix your cover, Morgan found you a Four-Leaf clover
I feel this is my all fault, so please forgive me for the accident
All this wasn’t my intention you can’t be heaven’s next resident


How can you sit there, knowing full well what you done
When the clips where discharge you didn’t tell me to run
funny you didn’t say I could end up dead, bullet to the head
I was mislead instead, now I’m dormant on a hospital bed
Slit the bread you said, no reference to the feds being lead
Informed I swear they said, you wanted a piece but got my head

Forget this world, I should have gone to the light when it called
So now I walk thought limbo waiting for heaven to call, but I fall
Into the sub terrains of hell, lost sprits roam, lost in the devils home
The tones of pain call for the throne, bang* stake thought my dome
I wish I was at home, repent my sins now I roam for fresh souls
To own, So I can get back home by paying the Grim Reaper tolls

fluidmoon 10-14-04 04:29 PM

wow, this is a great verse, beautiful imagery in your words, well structured and written, good vocabulary and flow,,nice job on this......1

Critic 10-15-04 07:17 AM

Thanks alot Fluid up~ing for more feedback please...

1~

Dirty Nigga 10-15-04 11:07 AM

damn homeboy
dope peice, nice mix of good vocab an simple yet effective lines, nice creativity an kickass wordplay
9/10..
keep em comin my nigguh..

Critic 10-15-04 01:48 PM

Thanx Dope up~ing for more feedback,..

1~

Critic 10-16-04 06:41 AM

Up~ing,,.... For feedback,.

1~

HottnessDefined 10-16-04 07:01 AM

diz wuz ok i lyked da flow

Critic 10-16-04 07:23 AM

Thanks man..

Peace.

Tha Unknown (Uk) 10-16-04 07:33 AM

Nice Drop Cuz. Keep Doin Yo Damn Thing

Critic 10-18-04 07:38 AM

Sup people up~ing this,...

1~

Lil Tra 10-18-04 09:19 AM

Good piece man, i like this shit it was interesting, stay up bro

Critic 10-19-04 07:25 AM

Thanks a lot for the feedback all,

1~

GangsStarShit 10-19-04 07:34 AM

DAyum dayum dayum this was most def a nice piece of work there major props to ya work CriTiC 9.5/10

Critic 10-20-04 08:10 AM

Thanks for the feedback man^ up~ing

1~

Critic 10-22-04 08:43 AM

Uping for more feedback please,,...

1~


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