The Lightning
 

THEME:SITTING BY THA WATER FISHING BY THE TREE ,MY GIRLFRIEND SETTIN UP AN PIC-NIC,,,,,MY SON IS ALMOST COMING HOME FROM SCHOOL
I GOT AN RING IN MY POCKET (PROPSOIN) DEN THA CLOUDS TURNS BLACK INSTANTLY AS I LOOK UP I SEE A LIGHT COMING RIGHT AT ME~!










kabooms~! strike by lighting my whole body turns to a stone phase
as my girl stares she sees the horrified shock on my face
the lightning keeping my foot from touching da ground like unlaw grava-ty
my girl yelling and looking caresly knowing she cant help me
the lighting got my voice scratch i cant even yell "lord help me"
feels like my organs being evaporated,torn apart in pieces cant touch my girl all i can do is scream in pain
not here,not today i'd just went fishing me and my girl gettin married next month i cant be send to my grave
i feel like my eyes are in tha back of my head i cant see image like a un-connected tv plasma
why iam i holding my breathe :huh: da lightning got my lungs grasp by his hands am havin an asma (attack)
This lightning is like an venemouz snake its electric venemom spreading in my body quickly tryin to find tha death core~!
i feel my heart is weaking,i feel like da lightning is a rhino from james tha giant peach hit me through da core
i wish i was immortal like evvansescene but no,i cant cause i got dis lightning messing up my present (remember tha ring)
death can not be no acception i pledge for eva breathin i will fight dis lightning and make my present (come true)
den i felt my chest my heart was thumping my girl sitting right by me havin tears autum on her cheek (autum=fallin )
as i lay on tha grass by tha water creek sayin to my self "thank u god u saved me" hoping anotha lightning wont turn me to an stone phase (again)

errrrrr idk i was just writin feeback plz :thumbup:

that was fucking dope man keep em coming you had nice imagination in der and I liked your emotion keep them coming.


ps you wanna set up a crew together and help each other out in elevating.

That was cool... 7/10

How did I know you would say something about fishing...lol

Lol My Boi Village Pimp Whats Up Homie I Thought U Aint Rappin No More Or W/e

But Thanks For Da Feedbacks Uppin Peep'z

yo uppin for some feedbacks uppin for some feedbacks

This was alright here man....Had some nice describing in this, I liked that...liked the way you worded some of the lines and others could have been worded a little better but overall it was alright.....The flow of the pieces was pretty decent, but the line length took away from some of your flow though...I would try to tsay away from rhyming the same words in some of your bars though but other than that right there..the emotion in it was very nice one of the key factors in this piece, which i liked a lot...Overall a nice pieces...keep at it man!

I WAS JUST SITTIN ON THA COUCH THEN IT WAS RAINY AND I WAS BORED SO I JUST WROTE SOMTHING UP YA FEEL ME :thumbup:

UPPIN FOR MORE FEED

yeah that was kinda nice man. good imagination and choice of words. good job...........

O Wait Sabotage Givin Me A Feedback I Thought U Hated Me Lol

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dat was dope man...interesting topic..did it actually happen 2 u?

Lol Naw I Just Saw Da Rain Pouring And Just Start Writing Mayne

Thanks For Da Feed More Feedbacks Check My Otha Open Mic'z

Called

Women Abusing Check It Out

OMFG LMAO

how did you wirte baout this lol

you did real good man


8/10


i'm still da open mic king ;)

lol

peace

BLA!

^ word

you had nice imagery.... the emotions were on tact nice shyt ... but like menik said try stayin away from the same rhyming words in two different bars ... tha some times kills your drop.. overall pretty decent drop..keep it up

^^^^^^^^^^^ Hey I Aint Here To Take Ya Crown Keep Doing Ya Thang Homie I Give Ya Props Word Uppin For More Feedbacks Holla~!

yo uppin for more feedback what uppin for more