Okay First Om....
 

This is Just a Short Topical That i Did Let Me know what ya'll Think.Considering it's a short Piece But Blah.....
It's called "Demonic Lair"....


Trippin' On The Brink Of a Hellish Existence-
The Scorching Heat Proceeded With Agonising Persistence-
Scolding My train of Thought Grinding To a Halt-
Trapped, I was Imprisoned Amongst Lost Soul's Like a Bank Vault-
Figure's Below Me Trudging,Occasionally Glancing at Their Tormentor's-
Mindless Drone's Corrupted By Fiendish-Wrong Doing Dementor's-
Their Heart's Had been Torn From Their Possesion and Thrown Into a Furnace-
Stony-Emotionless Feeling's Stained Their Expression's One man's face was Sterness-
He was In the Prime Of his Youth-What had He done To End Up here?-
Prolly a Young Thug-Jackin' Car's Thiefing Introducing Drug's and Beer-
The Main Priority was How Do I Evade This Twisted Nightmare?-
My Eye's Flashed it was just a Vision Of My Afterlife-But I'll Live My Life Knowing Ima End Up Eventually In the Demon's Lair-

Uppin' for Feedback...........

Upping For Some Feedback Peep's........

wow

nice vocab panda nigga

good flow also

I give it a 7/10
since it was short

but short and sweet so thumbs up

peep my open mics

they always get slept on

so please...

it should be up in the
open mic now
so its easy to find

good wrdply.

off in flow every once in a while, but u picked it up.

very nice.

Upping This Thread For Feedback Ya'll......

Yo... Shit has mad potential... You need to work on the flow though...

It was pretty good id say 8.5/10.....Your vocab was pretty good....But your flow was decent but work on that .....peace....

Thank's Uppin for Some more Feedback!.........

Uppin For More Feedback!